A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been dating a wonderful man for a month. We’re very compatible, he’s family oriented and successful, and does everything big and little to show he cares for me. All signs are very good. He’s an entrepreneur and there’s plenty of info about him online, all positive and successful. However I was recently bored and decided to search his name along with his middle name this time. Several arrest records popped out, all matching in date/location, and all match his very unique full name and DOB.I know it’s him and I’m very curious as to what the charges were. Should I ask him and how should I do it? He’s a good guy and it likely won’t change my feelings for him, but my friends are saying better to be safe and sorry, and it doesn’t hurt to ask. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2016): I was a jack the lad in my teens.... so have, I think about three criminal convictions.
I remember the last time vividly when I was in the jail cells for processing and had to share a cell with a gang member and made a decision right there and then to stop being a dumb a***. I have never looked back.
People do change and evolve. Back then I was just hanging with the wrong crowd.
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (30 April 2016):
 Fellow California resident here. If you know the location of his arrest, search the applicable county or municipal court. This is free in some jurisdictions (some of these will require that you know his date of birth or the case number in order to search records for free.) Other jurisdictions will require that you pay a (usually nominal) fee to search and view records, or they may require you to visit the court in person to view the record.
In general, however, arrest information is public record and will be made available to the public one way or another provided the record is not confidential (i.e. arrest records for juveniles) or sealed by court order.
You might jokingly "card" him and try to remember his DOB and driver's license number as having this information can only help you in your search.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 April 2016):
 My current G/F checked me out on line (4-1/2 years ago) and the first thing she found was the local arrest records. A few months prior, I had been stopped for DUI.....
Despite that, we met, hit it off... and are having the times of our lives. (No (other) problems, since).
She was smart to check me out (we'd met through a dating site)... Good thing I'm such a "catch" that she didn't let it put her off to me!!!
(P.S. I may be the luckier of the two of us... since she's such a great lady.....)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2016): OP here. Thank you for all your advice.
To clarify, I meant that there was 2-3 arrest records online for the SAME arrest. Not multiple arrests. The background search didn't provide any useful info but I will try to contact courts to see if I can get the info. Thank you.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 April 2016):
 First of all, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!! If only all people could be as intelligent as you are.
You could check court records, because if there are multiple arrests, there are also multiple trials or plea bargains taking place. Where I'm from, you can search back 20 years, find out the original offense statutes as well as who the lawyers are and what they were ultimately either convicted or acquitted of.
You said that there were "several" arrest records?? SERIOUS red flag! Don't say anything to him. Do the background check, maybe look up a state inmate locator, which most states have. Do not ask him until you already know the answer backwards and forwards. Because when you know and then you ask him, you'll know whether or not he's telling the truth or lying. You could be innocuous and ask "have you ever been arrested before?"
Whatever you do, DO NOT decide now that no matter what he's done, your feelings will never change for him. You do not know him after one month, do you hear me?? The sweet guy you're with may very well be a total con.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2016): Why wouldn't you be able to check your country/surrounding county court records? Or citymunicipalcourt.gov? Its public record. Also, you can do an inmate search to see if he's been locked up and now on parole. Plus a sex offender search. If he IS a good guy, it may be a public intox charge or something
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2016): OP here. I live in California and actually contacted the sherrifs department that arrested him. However they told me that anything over 30 days cannot be disclosed due to privacy law.
I also bought a background check online. It included the same arrest record but no details on the charges. Just the same general info - name, DOB, and date of arrest which I already found for free.
Any ideas? Thank you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 April 2016):
 You COULD ask him, or you can spend $15 on a background check.
Personally, I'd do that latter since you have only known him a month. And YES, I DO think it's important to know what it is. If he is on the sexual offenders list for instance, I'd want to know. Or if those were domestic violence or violence.
If you ask he MIGHT tell you a lie, he might not. Which is another reason to consider spending the $15 on a background check. After that... you can decide what your next step will be.
I agree with your friends. BETTER safe than sorry. Faking being a "nice" guy isn't too hard short term, it's ONLY been a month.
...............................
|
