A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I'm wondering if anyone can offer advice on the following problem I'm currently experiencing. I've been seeing a guy now for a couple of months and it's only within the last few days we have been intimate. He arranged for us to spend our first night together in a lovely hotel. The reason I'd held off was due to the fact that it's only been some 19 months since his wife passed away through cancer and I wasn't wanting to rush or push him into anything he wasn't ready for. The problem I've got is that he won't admit to anyone that he is in fact seeing me, nor will he join me with a couple of my friends to have a meal all together. He just keeps saying "I'm not ready for that yet!".I've a 2 year old daughter who is very important to me and before I get too attached, although I already guess I am having now slept with him, he is also saying that he's not wanting to meet her yet.I'm very confused to be honest as he seems very keen to make love to me but can't understand why he won't say that we're girlfriend and boyfriend to me, let alone anyone else. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 Uhm. So he is not ready yet to eat with your friends - but he was ready to spend the night with you in an hotel.
I don't know how much this has got to do with his being a widower- is he too grief stricken for socializing , but not for sex ? Uhm again.
I don't want to be pessimistic, but perhaps if he does not call you his girlfriend, is because he does not see you as his girlfriend. Uncomfortable as it may be, perhaps it's time you have a talk and check if you are on the same page relationwise, before you get even more attached.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): He's telling you he is not ready for a relationship but he doesn't mind the sex. I would move on b/c he's unlikely to see you as more then just sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): If his wife passed away 19 months ago ; it's most likely he's not over her. He might be scared what people would say, dating after 19 months, he's scared of what people might say and think about him jumping into a relationship in such of a short time. He may also be scared of getting attached, remember, he just lost his wife, the love of his life. Give him some space, let him come around. All you can do for now, is to be by his side. It's hard to get over a broken heart. I wish you both good luck and a wonderful future together.
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