A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Been dating a guy for 18mnths. We havent ever said we love each other but we know we care deeply for each other. The other morning we were "making out" (we've never had sex) and he was on top of me. He gradually stopped and then just looked in my eyes and at my lips for what felt like a few minutes. After a little while I whispered "are you ok?" and he smiled and said "yeah." and carried on looking at me. He recently did a similar thing where he said that he felt really comfortable with me. However, there have been times recently where he is acting more distant - He's been generally fairly quiet and seems like he's deep in thought a lot. Any ideas? I should say that he is 10 years older than me, not sure if that's important or not. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 April 2018):
 18 months is a long time not to have told each other that you love each other or to have had sex. Is this a case that this man is your boyfriend or is it a case that he is someone else's who you date from time to time. Is he married? Are you in a serious relationship? I feel there is more to this than you are telling us.
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (27 March 2018):
 After 18 months it's important to feel comfortable with and trust one another, if you can be physically intimate but you can't discuss feelings, there's a problem somewhere in the relationship. So like Wiseowl said- ask him straight up what's wrong. And yeah unfortunately it might be bad. I was seeing a guy and a couple of weeks before he broke up with me he would have these awkward moments where he would pause n look longingly at me, or hug me really tightly. I thought it meant he'd fallen in love but turned out he just felt upset that he had to break up with me!
Not trying to scare you! Just be prepared because he might just not want to hurt you and can't find the words.
It may be something else completely! Maybe he thought the time to have sex was appropriate and felt nervous asking. Point is just ASK him what's on his mind!
I'll be honest, after 18 months to not say the three words is unusual.. for both parties. You need the heart to heart. Maybe say it first if you do? You just need to get the truth out of him.
Take care of yourself
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2018): What do his actions say? Does he make you feel loved? The gazing sounds like just that, doesn't mean he's thinking about anything in particular just enjoying the moment. I would asking him what he is thinking next time he's like that? Could be he is falling for you but is afraid to fall in love, hence why he's pulling away. Just don't push him. But his actions are always more important than what he says.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2018): He's probably processing his feelings and going over his thoughts about you and your relationship.
Men and women think differently, and it's dangerous to overthink or try and guess what's on someones mind.
The possibility of misreading things is too high, and you just have to be patient. Based on how you're treated and his actions should demonstrate his love; and on that, you can build trust.
Nature has to take it's course; and if you're wondering where the relationship is heading, it is best to just outright ask him. Don't leave it up to guessing or jumping to conclusions.
It's always better to see love in action; than to hear it and the actions don't match. You have to ask where things are going, and not leave it up to trying to piece together his thoughts out of a "gaze." Did you see love in it, or was it just a blank stare?
Ask him why he's growing distant, and what it is he has on his mind? If that is the case. Be prepared for what you hear; whether good or bad. He may be searching for the right time and the right words. Age isn't important, but how he feels about you is.
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