A  ,
*elsi
writes:I'm back, if you know my story then this is a follow up. I talked to the girl I had the kiss with and she indicated that she had fun with the kiss. She said it was great fun when we kissed and at the exact same time we were kissing some fireworks went off at a nearby baseball field. The girl is going through a really tough time with her feelings, she is getting divorced from her best friend because she said she can't perform her wifely duties with him and it really isn't a marriage. She has indicated that she has some sort of unexplored feelings for a guy she works with who is 17 years older than her. She seems to think they have an unspoken attraction for each other. The guy has never been married and drinks a lot. She has told me that she is bi. She did confide in me with a lot of personal things that she said she has never ever told anyone before, some of which I myself never would not repeat to anyone if it were my life. I could see she was struggling with her feelings and really just needing to find out who she was so I told her two weeks ago that I would much rather be a friend to her and help her through these rough times rather than jumping in the sack with her and having it screw up our relationship. She said she accepted that. I told her I wasn't going to stop flirting with her though and she said that was just fine. However since I told her I was backing off on the sexual and concentrating on the emotional she has been very stand offish to me. I asked her if I did something wrong and she said "not at all, it's me", "it's not you at all, it's all me". I'm not sure where to go from here. I miss not doing things with her and I can tell when she looks at me she is still very attracted to me. How should I proceed?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, pops +, writes (23 June 2005):
I think you are misreading her. She has told you that her problem with her " best friend" is that she can't fulfill her " wifely duties to him". I hate obtuse language, but that means, to me, that she is not having sex with him. She is feeling inadequate about that. She wants sex with someone, if only to prove to herself that she is not some kind of monster. She is not looking for emotional support. She wants sex. Talk to her about it. Be direct. Ask her what her dream date would be like that involves great sex? What does she like, sexually? What does she not like? What does she like to do to her lover? What would she like to try but has not done? Why not? ( she is married!) Otherwise, I suggest you back off, and leave her alone. Whatever problems she is having, you can't solve. Find someone else to flirt with. They are out there.
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