A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My gf of one year and I had some problems. Shes 2 years older and we're around 20-24 We were too dependant on each other for happiness. We actually started living together the last 4 months of the relationship (doing everything together, scheduling classes around the sametime). Obviously this was a formula for disaster, when one wanted to do something on their own the other would obviously feel unloved. Of course, her being the older one she realized it first and decided for us to go on a break (SOOO MANY TEARS, we cried in each other's arms for hours upon hours). She wanted to be free and has called me the love of her life, and I the same. Now, fast forward to about 2 weeks ago, we broke up, because we were constantly checking each other's myspace/facebook whatever for updates and basically driving each other insane, so we decided for a no contact "separation" (broken up with a prettier name). She told me to move on because it would be unfair to ask her to wait (She loves clubbing etc, very nice to guys [a guy's girl]) and for me I'm the success-bound college student and a closet nerd (she admits that im perfect for her future and present.) Today, well, after not seeing each other for some time again, we succumbed to our old ways and cuddled for about 8 hours before we both had to set our foot down.I love her alot, I figure if I just give her some time (1-2 months of no contact she might phase out of the partygirl stage.), while I have my own fun as well also not counting on her exactly returning to me within the near future.Are there any other suggestions? Is this common for females? Is there anything else I could do than just give her space? (being needy/trying to win her back are options I already tried).Thanks guys.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (29 April 2009):
 "Obviously this was a formula for disaster"
"when one wanted to do something on their own the other would obviously feel unloved"
"doing everything together, scheduling classes around the sametime"
These arent signs of compatability, they are signs of need, fear, and lack of trust. People who succeed in relationships dont deal with these issues, successfull relationships are built from a base of trust and individuality, not neediness. Its not something you can necessarily change, it happens naturally from the beginning.
Check out the writer Osho, a book called "Being in Love"
Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, the problem is that we're too compatible..and probably being too serious too early.
thanks for your response!
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A
male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (29 April 2009):
If one or both of you "think" that breakup might be the best option, it usually is! Its called a BREAKUP because its broken. For whatever reason, you two arent compatible any more. Maybe you were once, but dont try to drag this out any longer,. It sounds like the relationship has run its course and any action of you trying to change that fact is going to result in more heartache and more bitterness rising. Value what you had and move on with the no contact idea. That was a GREAT idea. It will allow you both to move on, and before you know it, you will have forggoten how much you NEED her for your happiness and you will find happiness within yourself. You two will be friends again someday, but for now its best to cut ties and move on in to the scary world of being single.
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