A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband an I are involved with another couple.Its complicated. Best friends with benefits, my best friend sleeps with my husband and I with hers. I think we should all give it up but when we attempt it we all end up missing each other too much.I don't want it to end but I dont see how its not messing us all up emotionally. This has been going on 3 years. My best friend says if we end it their marriage will end. And I believe her. And I dont think my marriage is all that good either before we have had a break before from seeing them an it ended in my husband having an affair.Not sure what my next steps are?
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a break, affair, best friend, friend with benefits, swinging Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): So do u betray a best friend? Your hb? Your kids?How do u regain a balance in your life? A normal life if u can even call it 'normal'.You have proven why swinging is for healthy marriages and mature lives.2 marriages down the drain, kids in dysfunctional broken homes and family circles destroyed. Why? Bec of an unhealthy curiosity in regard to sex.Choices and then the consequences with the aftermath.LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your input. Trust me its something I have been fighting with for a long time. My internal dialogue is exhausted its why I made the post. I think my issue is I am in love with 2 men for different reasons.There is no simple solution without hurting someone. I know I am a people pleaser and that my husband is very controlling. Hopefully I can see the light one day soon.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): I don't think you really have any. See a counselor. That's the problem with the swinging life. Sure, it's great and fun at the beginning. Everyone gets to have sex with new people, and you can swap back and forth.But that special connection between two people is lost, damaged. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not judging you dear, but I'm explaining that your husband and you no longer solely rely on each other to make things work. It's a four way thing now. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Lotsalove.  +, writes (24 March 2011):
 Okay, the main problem with this picture is that there's two marriages crossing intimately. Now although you're doing this willingly.. you're in dangerous grounds. It sounds like both of your marriages were either damaged/crumbling before the swinging or whilst it's been happening. If your marriages were going down hill before...then you need to look at the reason why? Not jump into bed with your best friend and her husband. And if its started going downhill whilst you've been swinging (meaning the swinging is the only thing that is keeping you together) then that should be a big warning sign to you too. It sounds like your marriage is based on sex with other people and not each other. I doubt you even show intimacy or love to each other anymore either? Sex isnt everything, but its a huge chunk of a relationship.There's nothing wrong with swinging, aslong as your relationship is strong and loving and you both know that your doing it for fun and pleasure, and your not falling for other people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): If sex is the only thing keeping both of your marriages together, it's time to get a divorce. there is more to a real marrage then sex.
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