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female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm an 18 year old female and I'm in love with my gay best friend. We met a year ago and that's when he came out. We're so close that everyone thinks we're dating. well, I don't know what to do. He's had doubts about what he is but lately it seems he knows he's gay. He's not happy with his life and I know something can be done to help him but I don't know what. I wish with all my heart he wasn't gay. I don't know if I should try to forget about him or try to help him.
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female
reader, limpnjen +, writes (16 July 2005):
I think you should help him as his (best) friend with whatever problems he may have, however, I think it would be worthless to try to go any deeper then friendship. Just going by what you have already stated about him he seems to be secure within his sexuality and what he is so it would be useless(and most likely painful for you) to even attempt to try and have a relationship with him. I don't know what kind of friends you are(close, not close etc) but it may be okay to bring it up in a joking matter and see what he says but otherwise my advice is to just keep your feelings to yourself(they'll pass!) and go on about your life as it would be useless to do anything else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2005): It's wonderful that you've found a friend with whom you are so close. Remember, it's perfectly natural to love those special friends in our lives. However, a friendship with a gay man can get complicated once that deep connection starts turning into something more.
You can leave things as they are and keep him as a friend, or to discreetly investigate whether he may be interested in a deeper romantic relationship. There's no guarantee in life — you could mention your attraction to him and your friendship with him could end as he may feel awkward, knowing you desire him. It is a big risk.
Or...you could preserve your relationship as it exists now by just ignoring your attraction toward him. But sometimes not addressing your feelings could, over time, create a tension in your friendship. You are sort of between a rock and a hard place.
You know your friend better than anyone. Ask yourself-How might he take the information that you are attracted to him and want more than just a friendship? What is more important to you at this point? Having your friend remain just a friend may be more important than possibly changing that relationship into a romantic one. Life decisions, and smaller ones, too, involve risk, and it's up to you to choose how much risk is worth taking. It doesn't matter what decision you make, as long as you feel confident that you've thought it out and made one that feels right to you. Sometimes the outcome won't be what you planned, but that's the risk that forms an exciting, and sometimes challenging, aspect to our lives.
Good luck in your decision. From what I know...usually gay people do NOT change over to heterosexual relationships. No matter what...you are his good friend..I would advise you to help him with his problems. Because that's just what special, great friends do for each other.
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reader, pops +, writes (13 July 2005):
your Friend may be gay, and he may not be. If he is unsure, then he should talk to a professional counselor. Some women date gay men as they are kind, considerate, usually good dancers, can talk girls legs off about fashion, interior design, etc. These are topics that are usually left to women by heterosexual women, so they find it comfortable and refreshing to spend time with a man who will make no sexual demands on them, but can and will talk about subject they know something about. If you are seeing him because you are truly friends, good for you. But, if you are heterosexually inclined, find a straight man to date, while maintaining your friendship with this best friend. He will be happy to see you finding love and sexual release, be assured. And he will continue to appreciate your friendship, and company. Being gay can be a lonely life. Its nice that your friend has you. Pops
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