A
male
age
36-40,
*affautd
writes:i am at the end of my tether, my ex and i split 8 mths ago, we have a 2 yr old daughter and we were living together, in the new year after both walking away from each other i returned to see my daughter, i always said to my mates i was totaly over my ex, but who was i kidding i still loved her as much as i did from day one, so i went to see my daughter, me and my ex talked and i explained how a felt apoligised for everything thats happened, and said i want to start again in the future, she said she didnt think it would happen, about a month later, i was at a friends about midnight i txt her to say sweet dreams, she replyed and after a few txts she asked me to go round, i did we slept together and she warned me it was just sex, but i found myself staying over regular, its now every night now my parents and me have fallen out, we have started talking about the way we feel, i love this girl and my daughter more than anything in the world and i messed up before i explained myself, she has said to me the other day just example, that when we first got together she could see us being together for the rest of her life, we even started talking about are wedding, she said she loves me but is not in love with me, i am doing everything i can but nothing seems to be working, she said she wants to have fun before settling down she said that she knows that when we are back together we will be together forever, she went out on saturday after the conversation above and i had work so i went to bed early cause i would be up early with little one, she said see you later etc, she turned up at 2 in the morning changed into her pjs and said i will be bk in a bit she turned up 11am the next morning with a love bite on her neck before i had even noticed it she said before you ask my friend did this to me, a lot of people close to us have said we are like a couple again, we have a cuddle and a kiss then she will say o no we cant do this we to much like a couple, so i try and take a step back even though hurts like hell, when i try and do this she says right you can see your daughter twice a week full days and an hour in the evening, she says that she wants us to be together but not yet she wants us to be debt free and on our feet i understand that because it caused a strain last time round so i respect that, i am not the sort of bloke that sleeps around or treats women bad so i will sort out these probs and not give up, but i wonder if she wants me bk sometimes its confusing, i hurt her before and i am an idiot, her close friend told me she is in love with me but wont admit it to anyone even her parents have tried to see whats happening any advice how to handle this anymore cause i have run out of ideas thanks for taking the time to read this
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 April 2007):
 SHE is having her cake and eat it here! You need to change the rules a bit here if you want her back. Rule number 1... DON'T SLEEP TOGETHER... not yet. If you stay round her place because of fallouts with your family or whatever then sleep on the couch. Tell her you respect that she doesn't want to actually be an item just yet and that she wants to have "fun" so you are going to let her have her fun. At the moment she KNOWS she has you eating out of her hand, she KNOWS you are crazy on her. Believe it or not, this puts women off sometimes, there's no challenge.
So... if you REALLY want her back, we need to change the equation a little. You go to see your daughter and you see your ex too but only on a platonic basis. No kisses, no texts saying sweet dreams and definitely no sleeping together. She'll want to but you need to be strong here! Assert yourself and tell her you've been thinking things over too, tell her the most important person in your life is your daughter and YOU HAVE decided it's not a good idea to get too close to your ex apart from on a platonic basis. That way it will make her WANT you more! She'll miss your closeness and your tenderness and above all YOU! Keep it up for a couple of months at least until she has made up her mind that she wants to have a commitment with you, in the meantime, tell her to go out and have her fun and you'll have yours (she won't like that, but that's in your favour!) ;o)
If she sees that you can still be a responsible father but are NOT within her reach any more when she shouts, then it just might change her whole attitude about a future together.
Eve
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