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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi I'll try Make this short, Me and my girlfriend have been with each other for just over a year now and have been secretly engaged to each other for about 2 months. By secretly I mean we have not let anyone else know Mainly because we have not yet got the money or financial security to get married and want our announcment to come when we can afford the wedding soon after.Our relationship sky rocketed, it took 3 days of dating to ask her out, she said yes and we have had what we both say was the greatest year of our lives together. I know she loves me and I certainley love her but here's the problem. Lately,(altough it's been building up gradually) she doesnt seem to want sex at all. If I didn't initiate sex or even just a nice kiss(aside from pecks) I fear we wouldn't make love at all, or kiss.I have said this to her and she says she doesnt know why she doesnt get turned on as much anymore.This is understandable in a relationship as time passes but I would say she doesn't get turned on full stop. Whats going on, I'm starting to feel like her best friend and not her lover, and that I'm only annoying her when I make sexual advances...Please I need some advice
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHI, Just wanted to thank you all for the advice, I have taken this onboard and just letting ya'll know I have had a long talk with my girlfriend about this issue and have come to understand her more. Right now everythings going great again, i have agreed to try not be as imposing sexually, and just ask her if she is in the mood when I'm not sure, Rather than making advances regardless. This seems to be helping and our sex has been great, thanks.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2006): speaking as a woman, music atmosphere and 'smell' help with the turn on thing. if she likes candles or inscence, some either sexy romantic or passionate music and try havinga lighter evening meal, pasta and rice type food often make the body want to sleep. Try wearing a specific aftershave she likes, try keeping your appearance, i tend to find at this stage in the relationship you cant be bothered to shave or put on make-up, remember how you used to worry wether she liked your aftershave or hairstyle when you first started dating. try roleplay if you want. Talk to her a find out her favourite music/perfume/underwear. Make sure your breath is fresh and you are clean (no offence intended). Try 'dangerous' sex, like in a car trying not to get caught. ask her about any fantasies, like does she want group sex, or you or her in an outfit, or tied up.
Remember if she has any changes in mood that seem unusual, or is sad/angry a lot she may be depressed which could explain this. She may have subconscious fears of getting pregnant or being hurt, she might have bad things that happened in the past that could affect her which she is uncomfortable talking about.
also remember not to push too hard, women like sex, but it is less important to us than most men.
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A
female
reader, Little_Laura +, writes (7 July 2006):
 A difficult question. Its good that you've spoken to her about this - sometimes thats the hardest thing. Maybe, you need to try something new with her - try taking her out. Wear the clothes of yours that she likes, pay for a nice restaurant and treat her like a princess for the evening. When you get home ask her what she wants to do. Make it clear she can do anything she wants with you - try sex in a new way or place. Find out what really turns her on. Let me know if this works, good luck.
xxx
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