A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help! I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. I'm 25 and he's 32. Recently, we have been looking a houses and setting plans (in the belief that we would be getting married in the near future). We went ring shopping almost a year ago, I know he purchased a ring though, I don't know which one. He has not proposed, but talks ago marriage a lot. I sort of broke it off though last week. Not officially so we're in this relationship limbo. He doesn't want us to break and has expressed that very clearly. The reason I took such distratic measures was because I recently had an emergency at my residence and needed a place to stay for about three to four days. Let's keep in mind that we are/were seriously looking at houses to purchase together. So, I told him I needed to stay with him for that time (Thursday night, Friday, Saturday, and maybe Sunday). He has his own apartment by himself, he has no roommate or children. I called him on Wednesday as soon as I was informed by my roommate of the situation. He was immediately stand-offish and kept saying that Thursday just wasn't a good day. Long story short, he never did let me stay with him so, I was pretty much homeless until Saturday and my best friend came home from her trip and let me stay with her. I felt like he was so full of it. I felt like his actions shown that he really wasn't serious about me or our relationship. To allow me to be homeless when he had his own place that he has told me repeatedly that I should think of his place as mine. He never once asked me if I ever did find a place to stay or if I was okay. I feel like there is so much more behind his lame excuses on why I couldn't stay with him. I was extremely hurt and angry and I broke it off. We haven't really talked since I called everything off. I love him so much and have invested so much into him and this relationship and I feel like he doesn't care nor feel the same way. I have just lost faith in him and his ability to be there for me. Did I act to quickly? Or did I do the right thing?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 June 2011):
 makes no sense to me.
have you been to his home?
I'm sorry I agree that this is unacceptable behavior.
he owes you a detailed explanation but I am not sure I'd consider buying a home with him or getting married at this point... leaving you "out in the cold" was wrong for the level of relationship you had.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 June 2011):
 That jsut sounds totally nuts! I think I would have broken up too. WTH is he thinking?
Sorry, that relationship would be OVER.
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A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (5 June 2011):
 There is a very small chance he had a good reason, but I agree he should have shared it with you. It sounds like he may have been getting cold feet and rather than deal with it consciously, he created an opportunity to let the relationship fall apart. Very messy, and I certainly wouldn't jump into a marriage with this guy at this point.Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): Simple truth. No one would leave somebody they love on the streets when they could house them. In fact i have known people to take in complete strangers rather than see them homeless. And if complete strangers can share their homes. I am not sure what it tells you about your partner that he would let you go homeless for days because it wasn't a 'good' time for him.
What could be more important than keeping you safe? And not checking you were OK? That is awful and very suspicious. Whatever he was doing must have been REALLY important if he didn't even bother to make sure you were alright.
He either thought your emergency wasn't really urgent and he imagined you ended up staying at your place after all. Hence no questions or guilt from him. OR he suggested another place for you to stay and assumed that is where you went.
Either way you do not seem to be a major priority to him. If he had told you to treat his home as yours. Its very odd that when you tried to do that, he wouldn't let you. Something is very wrong there.
My take is that he met a lovely younger girl. Picked up a vibe about marriage. Went to look at rings and 'bought' one...just to 'secure' you and keep you happy. But he hasn't shown it to you, probably because there isn't one. And he hasn't asked you to marry him which is odd considering he bought the ring a year ago! In reality it has been a year and a half of talk and nothing else. Right?
'Looking' at houses is a stalling technique. If he really wanted to marry you, he would have popped the question, put an engagement ring on your finger and found a home within the last year. You wouldn't still be ringless and finding yourself homeless because you are an inconvenience to him.
He is coasting along, wasting your time and when it really comes down to it....he doesn't cover your back in an emergency or care enough to keep you safe!
Sorry but i think he is all talk and empty trousers and ditching him was absolutely the right thing to do. If you are still in love with him then try again and good luck. But if you have serious doubts about his commitment to you, listen to your instincts and don't waste any more time on him. It will hurt for a while but you really do need someone who is genuine and there for you all of the time not just when it suits them.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 He really does owe you an explanation. He is not an acquaintance, he is the person you are sharing your life with. I would be getting him to tell you whats going on with him, now. I understand your reaction completely. Give him the chance to explain, and if you don't like the response, then maybe it is over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): I think you did the right thing. He may have had a very good reason for not putting you up (I can't think of one but the possibility remains) and if so he should have said so. Instead he left you hanging. Not nice at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): I am so sorry you have experienced this. That was really bad, you acted the way any woman would act. Is he crazy? How can a normal human being act like that, even toward a friend, not your fiancée. Unless, as you said it yourself, there is something else going on there.Maybe another girl? But if he was sane, even if there is a fling on a side, he would cancel that and let you stay.That's inexcusable,very weird. And I hope you are not going to connect your life with someone like that. If he is like that before you guys married, what more weird actions can you expect? I wish you luck to find someone else. You were right to break it off immediately
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