A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:three weeks ago I got reconnected with my first love/ serious boyfriend through facebook. His sister in law found me which lead to all his family members finding me. He requested to be a friend and even sent a message saying hi. I didn't think we broke up on bad terms and just thought it was cool to see how he was doing. We emailed a couple of friendly messages and then he said he would like to talk to me on the phone. To catch up and hear my voice. I wrote back that i didn't think it was a good idea since he was married, and i wanted to respect his wife and family. Afterall I am still ex. He wrote back that his wife knows all about me and that she was the one that set up facebook and she encouraged him to talk to me. After not being in contact for 13 years, our first conversation lasted over one and half hours. We talked about everything and he admitted that it took him forever to get over me cause i was his first love. He took me for granted and didn't know what he had until it was gone. I was good conversation, but never intended to call him again. However for the last week we've been texting everyday and yesterday he called me because he was feeling down and said he always feel better after talking to me. He had family issues and needed some advice and input. My question is, of course I care about this guy. He was a part of my past. He was 17 and I 18 and I even ranaway from home to be with him. We have a strong past and he told me i broke his heart when i decided to return home and ended the relationship. Talking to him feels comfortable. It really is talking to a best friend. We know about each other's family secret and everything about each other. Although I am divorced. I feel it isn't right talking to him cause he's married. Shouldn't he be running to his wife with issues and problems that are bothering him? I wouldn't say i am in love with him, but he does hold a special place in my heart. So should i end all contact? I am still vunerable from my break up and even though i love hearing and talking to him. I don't want it to lead to anything more. I think that is where it could be headed because talking to him for 30 mins feels like 5 mins. We laugh, joke, and still get along great like we did when we were teenagers. what do i do?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (15 February 2009):
I think you have to use your women's intuition on this.
Now, if you were fine and happy and just saw him as an old mate and nothing more then it would be ok.
If he didn't seem to be texting you and clicking with you on that level then it would be ok.
But you are vulnerable and you don't feel like it's the right thing to be doing and that says to me that it isn't.
Do the right thing, which I think you want to, and withdraw slightly from him. Don't reply to his texts so much and don't be drawn into conversation. Tell him to go and talk to his wife about anything you think is too personal.
You know deep down what is friendly banter and what is more than that so use what you know and keep your distance. Once you are in a stronger place and have met someone else then by all means go on a double date with him and his Mrs, but for now, while you feel this may go to a bad place, run away from it.
Good Luck!! xx
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