A
female
age
51-59,
*obbit22
writes:Hello: I started a job last year and neeldess to say I have observed and or experienced who is two-faced, manipulator,mind gamer etc..in the workplace. I always ran my own business, but now, I work with other people , so it is different working within a workplace 'society', where everyone is pretty miserable, or commonly two-faced, gossip,snitch backstabber, fake, or mind-gamer all with the facade of a smile when they just ratted 'ya' out..... Someone I really liked alot, Joe, has proven to be one of the above..Joe hard core flirted with me this one day (as usual)while this lady we work with was standing next to us, when Joe walked away I just stared at him, cuz in that moment I realized and said aloud to her "I need to adjust".(she was there to witness my epiphany you could say). Now for quite a while now, this lady must have thought I 'invitied her 'in' to assist me with my adjustment over Joe.. In the beginning of my 'adjusting' when Joe would come around, I'd be distant a bit and he'd feel it and ask what was wrong, she'd say oh nothing, she'll be fine and whisk him away "on my behalf". Fact said she knew I was trying to get over Joe. In time, she kept popping up or doing tasks, my tasks with him so I didn't have to be 'alone' with him, I guess. It's like she has actually "trained" herself, to intervene when he and I communicate,or eavesdrop; if we talk or he has a task for me to do with him, she finds us, is in close proximity or runs over and says she will do it with him and I can go take care of this other thing,and give me this look like 'she understands and will rescue me from the situation', come around later - pat or stroke my hair in this 'way' of hers, like she has 'helped' me or 'understands', without speaking. She is "involved" with my affairs which is why I'm becoming annoyed and here.(I now understand the workplace can be life away from home and that's how things like Joe and I started to fire up so to say) but this was/is my problem not hers.... This lady and I were having a conversation about how some of us get laid off for several weeks during the off season and added in our conversation that going away for a while sometimes is a good thing... I read between her lines, and yes, she was right, I have new perspective on all of them, specifically Joe. Recently, I have slowly been returning to work.On these NEW occasions, she still continues to 'pop' up or try to create a wedge between me and Joe. I realize I AM THE ONE WHO IS REFRESHED from being away from them for a few weeks, and having been away, their behavior's become starkly obvious,and annoying, thus Dear Cupid. My first day back I was talking with Joe, and here she came like clockwork, standing around looking busy to listen..Joe-indicated his plans for us to hang out and have beers this summer in front of her,then she jumped in and interrrupted conversation.Just irritating I don't know how or if I should even bother confronting her when the next 'task' with Joe comes around. I have adjusted re: Joe,some days its hard cuz I did start to care for him, but it was wrong path and this 'time away' has allowed me to handle any of his future advances-(like beer this summer). Yet, my issue is this lady. I've become annoyed at her help 'ME' attitude. EXP:I went to read my schedule yesterday and she held and flipped thru the pages for me dictating my dates to me, after I told her it was not necessary, kindly I can read for myself, she did it anyway.When I asked for the schedule so I could see who i was working with she asked why? I told her I can read my own schedule, and she insisted. I know she is a busy body in nature, and wants to help, be infomed on everything, and sometimes a snitch. I'm irritated by her involvement in my life actually and if I can ignore her should I do that, or tell her she is "too involved" politely at such opportune moment. I know she has used the fact that Joe and she communicate so much to 'play me' one day at work, so her intensions aren't entirely innocent here, (which was disappointing to discover of her), but that's how people get sometimes. Should I just let it all go to save face at work? it's just ridiculous, yet, I'm irritated on how commited she is in keeping Joe and I separated. I don't know...maybe she knows something I don't(they work together all the time)and is TRULY helping me, but is just OVERBOARD in her nature about such things..we all have quirks that's why she played him against me that day???...Any advice on how to handle her/this irritating annoyance ?? Ignore it??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): You asked her to butt in, now you need to be strong and ask her to butt out. That is the only way you will have peace. Otherwise find new job or transfer.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): I know what you are talking about, she reminds me of a woman I worked with who was below me in level (although our corporation was trying to get away from that mindset) and shw had been there for years where I was relatively new compared to her....I am wondering if there isn't an element of this going on as well, I am guessing there is, she has been working there longer than you have.
Although, someone like this help can be annoying, what you must realize is there is a lot of office politics that she has navigated her way through and knows more about than you do, and I think her intentions are to help you with that and she doesn't want to see you get screwed over by politics because she has probably seen it many times especially where women are concerned.
What I had to do is learn to be more tolerant of her, I was more intelligent than she and she annoyed me to no end with her petty stories and her personal life, I would allow myself to listen for five minutes, then I politely told her I had to get back to work.
So, my suggestion is that you tell her you really appreciate her navigating Joe for you, but that you think you have worked it out with him and you can handle it from here on out. Acknowledge her help first and that will make her relax. and then get to know what she knows about the office in a round about way and she can probably help your career there in more ways than you realize at the moment, perhaps, just by helping you get through the bs of offic politics. Maybe you have reason to watch out for Joe, and she isn't saying....
Take care and good luck with your new career.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): You are not telling the whole truth. Frankly you sound as if you are desperately wanting Joe's attention and view her as a threat.From the way you are sounding (I think most people will agree), you have a problem and should get yourself sorted out. Better yet - tell this girl what you have told us about her. I am sure she would also appreciate you not talking behind her back.I know I sound harsh, but its just the vibe I am picking up from your post.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (15 February 2009):
Well in short, she has done you a favour and is helping you get over this Joe.
So rather than get huffy about it why not just have a quiet word and THANK her for helping you and tell her that it has worked and you are over him.
Tell her that you can talk to him and work with him now and you don't think it will be an issue any more.
She's doing this because she's trying to help you and be your friend. Why not ask her about some of her problems so you are not the victim in this relationship and can be more of an equal.
Good Luck!! xx
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