A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We made things official between me and my long-time friends with benefits. He asked me.But for the past 12 months it's felt like he only asked me out to stop any chance of me going off with anyone else at the same time.He never calls, emails or messages me unless i message him first.He shows me affection and everything, more than what he showed when we were friends with benefits.His actions tells me that he really likes me but on the other hand he won't talk about 'us'.I don't know what to do I love him to death and more than anyone in the entire world but I can't let him go. I just can't lose him or i'll lose myself. But how do i get him to open up to me and love me like i love him. I tell him i love him but he just looks like he freezes and doesn't know what to do.I try to get him to just tell me how he feels but i don't get anything back from him.I try to think he's not worth it but i can't i just have this feeling that things will get better if i just hang on. But it's tearing me apart and not being with him will be worse.What am I supposed to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): You said that "he doesn’t talk about us"... Maybe he does this because he is happy and doesn't feel as though there is anything to talk about.
Some men (and some women) find it hard to open up and say how they feel because it is letting a guard down and they do not want to get hurt in the long run.
Has he been hurt in the past?
Maybe he is just not ready to tell you that he loves you, but just because he doesn't say it, it doesn't mean that he doesn't.
Just give him time and try and think about why you are getting so stressed out about him not saying those three massive words to you yet.
I know that you're worried that he has is only going out with you to stop you from getting with anyone else... But try thinking about why he wouldn’t want this to happen.... He doesn't want you to be with anyone else. He wants you all to himself and he doesn't want to share you…. Because he likes you and wants you two to belong to one another.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Hi, it may be that your feelings for him are stronger than his feelings for you. This isn't uncommon in new relationships, and he might be a bit uncertain about the new status of things. When did you two officially become a couple? A few days ago, or a year ago? I'm a little unclear on that point.
Some men are uncomfortable sharing their feelings, and dislike talking about the 'us' thing because they may feel forced to do it. And if he's feeling a bit guilty that his feelings for you aren't as strong as yours for him, he doesn't want to hurt you, he may find it easier to deal with it by NOT dealing with it, if you can follow my convoluted sentences.
If I were in your shoes, I'd back off a bit, give him some room to breathe, stop initiating contact all the time. Don't text, don't call, let him reach out to you. This is going to take a bit of courage and determination on your part, as you're going to want to call him! Give him a chance to miss you a little bit, and then see what he does. Before you start this little experiment, though, tell him that you'd like to have him contact you for a change, so that he's not suddenly surprised by your lack of contact. Give him that heads up, and then sit back and watch what happens. This should tell you a lot about where he is in this relationship.
Trust me, the feelings you have are completely normal, but give him some air, and then you'll be able to see what's what. He may just need a little room to process his own emotions.
Good luck!
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