A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok I'm not quite sure how to word this, its not exactly a relationship problem in fact probably the total opposite. Well me and my wife have been married 7 yrs and together since college i know shes been though alot, recently with her life and stuff thats happened but yesterday we were texting each other from work and it was alot more than usual basically just about general things thats gone off but anyway she was tidying up in the bathroom after putting our baby daughter to bed and she looked a bit tearful so i asked her if here was anything wrong,at first she said no. But a few minutes later when i went to ask her something she did start to cry and when i asked what was wrong she said nothing and it was the most stupid thing but it just seemed to take over her and couldn't control it-what she said I did find a little strange because she said she misses me-i asked why as we are very close and neither of us have been away and she replied she doesn't know but she feels like she wants to be feels like she scared in case anything goes wrong and it getting to her. I've told her there won't be and I'm always here but i know shes a woman and are the most weird and unpredictable people in the universe but i wondered if stress and things were getting to her and that she trying to say she needs someone or that everything is getting to much for her. I asked her if anything else had happened and she said no and i believe her because as i say we are very close and neither of us hides thing. The problem is shes always tryed to hide her emotions.What do you think?(I'm not saying i don't believe her because i do but i want to help and if i get the wrong end of the stick i could make it worse and thats the last thing i want)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): seems natural for a new mother to be suddenly more fearful of 'something' going wrong. having a child together brings you closer, and it increases your vulnerability so much, especially for the woman. and that is terrifying, b/c as hard as it always would have been to lose you (in any way - could be to another woman, or to a tragic accident), it'd be that much harder now. so she may just be feeling that increased vulnerability that she's taken on and not knowing how to deal with those emotions. i've often heard new parents say watching the baby sometimes just terrified them -- that overwhelming love they felt, and the awesome responsibility of caring for it and protecting it. easy to see how that would be frightening!
there are also a lot of hormones after birth, so those could be playing a role, particularly if the baby is fairly recent. you'll want to talk about that, especially if your wife tends to hide her feelings, b/c post-partum depression is very real and can be serious, but it's manageable if you recognize it.
last, sometimes, girls just feel weepy. it's just true - happens to all of us, almost. so you have to think whether this was a more one-time event, rather than a steady-state of emotion for her. she may have been feeling blue and not really understood why at the moment, but it might be something that resolves on its own soon enough.
best you can do is try to talk to her and listen, and to lovingly reassure her that you're not going anywhere, that you're in this together all the way.
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