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*lower73
writes: I'm in my 30's as is my boyfriend.I just found out he started seeing his last girlfriend when she was 16 (she'll be 18 now).He had previously told me she was 19 when they met.Really freaked out by this... feel that 16 is just a child.Should I gat over this or get over him?He has no regrets and can't understand me feeling grossed out by the whole thing. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): Hey, I just have to say that though there is a age gap between the two previously that doesn't mean its wrong..although most teens don't mature readily till they are in the 20's, some have grown up much faster due to experiences in life and that makes them mentally mature..it isn't wrong that there is a big gap in they're age, they gave it a shot and now its over so i think you should get over it..The man i love and am devoted to is 4 years older than me, and i am also 16..so to that i have to say there is nothing wrong with it..just be happy your with him now and realize different people do different things :-)
-Lauren
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2006): Everyone will have a very different opinion on what you are going through here, hun. Some will say your bf was wrong to do what he did...some will say he was not wrong. Older men dating teen girls has become a very controversial subject, these days. But don't allow other's opinions to cloud your thoughts. If you do, you’ll feel frustrated, confused and angry because you let others determine how you should really feel. What matters most, is how this knowledge of what your bf did, makes 'you' feel because you are living this situation. Some people are against this sort of thing..some aren't. It really matters not what others think here. It's very obvious to me, this is a profound 'moral' issue for you. It really sounds like your are questioning his moral base and the psychological implications of his mindset for dating someone so young. I respect your feelings because that's what is at the core of many people- one's moral boundries which are deeply important to YOU. Boundaries define who you are, and they reinforce the idea that you’re separate and distinct from others. They describe what you think and feel, as well as what you’re willing to do and tolerate. They also define your preferences, what you like and dislike, what you’ll accept and won’t. If you cannot accept this, then do what's best for YOU. Perhaps, you need to re-evaluate this relationship or this this could wear on you and will always make you always wonder. Remember trust and respect is what makes a strong, solid relationship. Or maybe, you will learn to accept his error in judgement and carry on, in this relationship. Sorry, I couldn't help in the sense of telling you what needs to be done..I just wanted to let you know my thoughts and offer some support. Just remember, that you must make the best decision about whom you hand your heart over to and spend your life with, based on similar core values. One last thing. I do question is his lying to you. When one lies, they shatter trust. Trust is an integral part of many relationships, regardless of the level of intimacy. Truth and the faith that the other person is telling the truth is often the foundation that a partnership if built on. Life, though, is not really that simple. Humans are indeed fallible and fall victim to not choosing the whole truth and complete honesty. When a loved does this, we do have to be sensible and question their character. Make the best decison based on what you can live with, hun. It's all up to you. Take care and good luck.
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reader, willywombat  +, writes (10 February 2006):
 Whilst I can understand you feeling ill about all this but if you really love him and want to be with him you need to accept that this is in the past.
It probably wasn't the wisest thing your fella has ever done, and the fact he fibbed about her age shows that deep down he knows this to. But it is part of his past. He didnt rape or murder anyone, he made an error of judgement.
I hope you will find it within yourself to accept this and move forward with your relationship.
I wish you luck and happiness.
xx
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reader, auntie claire +, writes (10 February 2006):
 dear reader i understand your concerns completely but i think if you love you boyfriend and this is the only thing that puts you off then is it really worth worrying over at the end of the day age is just a number to a certain extent yes she was very young but its not like he was in his 40's that would have been over the top you can't help how you feel about soemone and may i point out although she was young she was legal i don't know what to say that isn't telling you what to do thats for you to work out you need to ask yourself a few questions like is it really her age that bothers you or is it the fact that your not as young anymore (you know how men like this school girl type) he might say he has no regrets but this might have been one of them things thats his tryed it out and now his with you he can move on from ittheres nothing you or i can do to change it but this is obviously something you need to sort out so all i can say is either learn to live with it as something that his done in his past that doesn't affect you as a couple or i'm affraid to say soemhting that you'll have to deal with on your owni wish you the best of luck and hope you can resolve this in the easiest way possibleall the best xxx
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reader, chav123 +, writes (10 February 2006):
Hi there every girl nower days are going for older guy I don't think there's a problem with your boyfriend when he was going out with a 16 year old and he was 20 thats only 4 years different this will make you sick this lass I no is 14 nearly 15 she went out with a 21 year and she was nearly pregant as well think! is that sick or was your boyfriend story sick I hope everything gets better between use 2
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