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anonymous
writes: My partner and I are in our mid-40's. Lately, he's been making unkind remarks about my body. Now,I am nowhere a perfect woman-I have small scars from childbirth but most noticeably, a large scar on my lower abdomen from my battle with cancer, 11 years ago. I exercise and I think I look good, despite this. I view the scar as my "medal of honor & survival-a testament to winning the war with cancer". He doesn't see it that way. He is always after me to get plastic surgery done and I disagree. I am happy the way I am! I tell him the scars should not matter-that my beauty comes from within. I loved and cherished him up to this point. I have lost so much respect for over this issue. What bugs me, is the emotional scars this attitude of his..is inflicting in me.I've noticed he has recently been flirting it up with younger, very slim, pretty women. He keeps saying that he wants me to "look like them". I tell him "go find one if that's what you want". Simply put, I like who I am and if he doesn't like what I have to offer, then it's time for him "hit the road". Recently, he's also been less affectionate, less loving because of my scars. He says they are hard to look at. Men who love, respect & cherish their ladies do not say such things. In spite of my flaws..I have always had confidence and a good self body image. What bugs me, is he's certainly not perfect. (paunch, wrinkles, gray hair)He has his flaws but I never mention that because up to now, I have loved and accepted him, unconditionally.I am thinking of telling him to leave. I don't need a selfish, vain man in my life. He's beginning to be "a waste of my time". What do you all think. Your input & comments would be greatly appreciated. God forbid, are all men like this or did I get stuck "with a bad apple"? Thanks for your input.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2005): I think that if he really loved you, than he should be 100% fine with how you look. If you are OK with how you look, he should be to. You don't need some guy giving you negative comments, when you are happy about being you. Being happy with how you look is very unusual. Congratulations to you for that. But I think that you have chosen the wrong guy. Think about what you're doing. good luck~Robin~aka advice gurl
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reader, Dear Kelly +, writes (22 June 2005):
First of all well done for fighting your battle of cancer!Your scars are there to show you you are a survivor, and it's a shame your husband doesn't see things that way, you are here to tell your story, and yet things could have been much worse! I think your husband is very selfish, and he should love you for who you are!!His unkind words is not what i would expect to hear from a kind loving partner, for him to tell you you need plastic suregery is upon disbelif!As long as you know and think you look great, and is happy withyourself then thats great and thats all that matters!!It's hard to advice you of what I think you should do, but I know what I would do if it was me, and i'd walk away from this man, but before doing so I would also point out to him all his flaws, and make sure he gets hurt and his confidence gets dragged down a peg or two, because how dare he treat you like that!!
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