A
female
age
41-50,
*ARYA MANAOIS
writes:Hi there,My fiance and I have been together for 5 years and we've been engaged since March of this year. He's 38 and I'm 33. He didn't proposed, but we've just talked about it. We plan to marry on November or at least this year sometime... About 150 people. But just this month of June he announced our engagement to our family. I'm just wondering, it's already June and he still hasn't made any effort to call the Hotel just so we could have an actual set date. You see, he is supposed to handle the Hotel and Church and I'm doing the Centerpieces and Favors. I'm just waiting for the date so I could start planning. But lately, it feels like there may be no Wedding anymore because everytime I ask him or talk to him, his answer is always "I don't know!" and it sounds like I'm putting a lot of pressure on him. It's very frustrating for me... I would really like to have a nice descent wedding. But if he's only giving me couple of months to plan it, it would be like, sort of a "rush" type of wedding. Is he having a cold feet? Do you think, he's changing his heart on me? I'm scared! I hope not... From what I understand it takes 12 months to plan a wedding. Should I keep asking him when will he make the call? Pleas tell me what should I do? Please, please help...
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female
reader, MARYA MANAOIS +, writes (23 June 2007):
MARYA MANAOIS is verified as being by the original poster of the question Turn out, he had already planned our Wedding. We've already got the Flowers, Band, Limo driver and best of all deposited $1,500 to hold the Hotel for the date. Everything else is set and good to go. I guess, since he didn't propose he wanted to surprise me with all this. All I have to worry about is my Wedding dress and 4 of my Bride's maids dresses and we are tying the knot in 4 months. I love it!!! Thank you all so much for the warmth advise. I feel so much releived... = )
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2007): Aloha Marya,He didnt' pop the question? There may be a reason why he's darting this. From a guy's point of view, he may not be ready for the next step. I totally agreed with the last reader. A wedding is something that you don't want to rush into. He could at least give you the courtesy of booking the hotel earlier. From what you're saying, it seems to me that he may be having cold feet. I would asked him directly if he's ready for marriage or not. If he's not ready, maybe you should push the wedding date back. If he doesn't want to get marry then leave. You guys have already been together for 5 years. How much longer is he expecting you to wait? Open a line of communication with him, so you'll be clear of where you both stand. I wish you the best and good luck with the wedding.
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A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (13 June 2007):
I planned my wedding in 3 months. I managed it because it was a very simple day – 50 guests – no bridesmaids or fancy cars etc. Believe me it was still hard work. I still didn’t get everything that I wanted because of the short timescale. The thing is that the later you leave it, the less options you have because venues, entertainers, photographer, florists etc can all get booked up. If you want a bigger do, with more of the trimmings, then I think that maybe you should postpone it until next year. This will give you more time to plan the wedding and sort out any issues that your fiancé might have. Maybe he just hasn’t realised just how much effort and coordination a wedding involves. If he thinks it’s just a couple of phone calls then it probably does seem to him like he has all the time in the world. Instead of just mentioning it every now and then, which may seem like nagging, choose your moment. Wait till he isn’t doing something else, tell him that you need to talk to him, that it’s really important to you to set a date so that you can plan. Say maybe it should be next year as time is getting short. If he says “Are you mad? We have months”, then is your chance to explain that it’s actually more like planning a military campaign than a social function. Then offer to do all the planning if necessary – with all the juggling of dates and people involved, it might be simpler that way. If he won’t let you take over and set a date then, you need to find out what’s going on. But don’t assume he’s got cold feet until he tells you so, it’s so easy to assume that a man ‘means’ something by his actions or lack of actions, when he doesn’t at all. Enjoy your day when it comes, and all the luck in the world to you both.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Just say you have noticed he seems nervous about setting a date and would he feel better if you postponed? Once you get the answer talk kindly and be supportive of him. If you chase the issue he will keep moving away from it and feel cornered. You can't make him and neither should you, hard though it is.
Be brave and surprise him with your calm understanding and unflappable demenour. I would say he would appreciate it very much.
What is mean to be, will be. Don't fight it, you have much better chance of making him feel close if you allow him to feel some control of the situation. Good luck, it is such a big thing, but you will be a much bigger person for chilling out. If he changes his mind he does, but is less likely to if you give him some breathing space.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): First off, it doesn't actually take 12 months to plan a wedding...I did mine in about 6 months and it was simple and beautiful. Don't sweat wedding logistics...it really does all work itself out if you're flexible and focus on the big picture.
It is a problem, though, that he's dragging his feet on moving forward with the plan you two agreed to...either he's a bit dense and doesn't realize the emotional havoc he's causing or he has some unresolved issues about the weeding he needs to work out. You need to tell him that you feel stressed about the wedding details as a result of the delays in picking a date, and that you feel hurt because you wonder if he isn't completely enthusiastic about it. Ask him if there are some things on his that are making it tough for him to set a date and see what he says.
Be open to hearing what he has to say, and realize that if you are flexible most issues can be resolved. The fact that you've been together for 5 years is a good sign. On the other hand, you deserve to be treated in a forthright and considerate manner, and if he's not ready for whatever reason you have to look within yourself and decide what you can and cannot live with and how long you're willing to wait. In other words, don't let his issues own you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): if he's only just announced it, you have a very short time to plan your wedding!! and you really dont want to rush this kinda thing!! maybe he is just busy at work and hasnt had the time to sort things, and he is just coming to terms with being engaged!! if i was you i would get married nxt year!! nagging him could only push him away!!
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