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We're cousins and we're in love and want to tell our families...

Tagged as: Dating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 January 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 4 February 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Me and my cousin have been together for 4 years now like we're extremely in love with each other. We want to tell our family but we fear they won't understand and will keep as away from one another. What can we do? Another question. What if he's my cousin from my mom's brother (my uncle), can we be together or is that wrong?

View related questions: cousin

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009):

What can we do? What if he's my cousin from my mom's brother (my uncle), can we be together or is that wrong?

The question on whether it is wrong to live together with your first cousin would depend entirely on what STATE you reside. Twenty-five states prohibit marriages between first cousins. Six states allow first cousin marriage under certain circumstances, and North Carolina allows first cousin marriage but prohibits double-cousin marriage. States generally recognize marriages of first cousins married in a state where such marriages are legal.

The following states prohibit union between first cousins:

Arkansas

Delaware

Idaho

Iowa

Kansas

Kentucky

Louisiana

Michigan

Minnesota

Mississippi

Missouri

Montana

Nebraska

Nevada

New Hampshire

North Dakota

Ohio

Oklahoma

Oregon

Pennsylvania

South Dakota

Washington

West Virginia

Wyoming

There are other references in the internet that you could find enlightening answers to your questions and these are:

http://www.ncsl.org/programs/cyf/cousins.htm

http://writ.news.findlaw.com/grossman/20020408.html

Cousin relationships in some parts of the world are considered illegal and socially taboo. However, if you do not belong to the 25 U.S. states mentioned above then there is nothing to worry about your relationship with your cousin as illegal. Hey, Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein how about that?

"On 2 June of 1919, Albert Einstein married Elsa Löwenthal (née Einstein), who had nursed him through an illness. Elsa was Albert's first cousin maternally and his second cousin paternally."

"On 29 January 1839 Charles Darwin and Emma Wedgwood, his cousin, were married at Maer in an Anglican ceremony arranged to suit the Unitarians, then immediately caught the train to London and their new home."

These two great minds of the past must have weathered what people and their relatives said against their "forbidden unions" They must have.

As long as it is not against the law, LOVE is all that matters.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009):

It isn't wrong at all. Not with cousins or beyond that. A site called www.cousincouples.com can give you a lot of information on the subject!

I was dating my First Cousin, Once Removed - so I know how hard it can be.

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A female reader, im_a_dummy United States +, writes (13 January 2009):

im_a_dummy agony auntI am not here to judge you or anything, but being with a cousin or any family member for that matter is wrong. If you were to have kids it would be called inbreeding and you could have serious problems wrong with your kids. and ESPECIALLY since you are (i think) first cousins. If he makes you happy, ya know who is society to tell you to back off, but make sure you love him in a relationship way and not in a family way that is just you guys are really close. And yes it is wrong, but if he makes you happy, you only have one life... make it the best one u can. Go with who makes you happy and who you are in love with.

best of luck

xoxo

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A female reader, siamaq18 United States +, writes (13 January 2009):

siamaq18 agony auntYes it is wrong to be with your cousin, it's called incest. And it is strongly condemned in the Bible. I don't know, depends on what kind of family you have, if they're Christians they may not accept it. Im not here to condemn you, but being with a family member is very wrong.Good Luck.

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