A
male
age
51-59,
*akepan
writes:background: my wife and i met this couple at a restaurant few (2-3) months back. they have a 3-yr old daughter and ours is 4-yrs. over this time, we have seen each other (mostly couple w/kids dinners or get-togethers) about once every 2 weeks. apart from that, a couple of times, myself, the lady, and our children have got together with a view to getting the kids to play together, as my wife and her husband were away on their separate business trips outside town. my wife is has recently started working in a different city and commutes home only on weekends.issue: more recently (last 2-3 weeks), there have been a series of disturbing and embarrassing developments, conversations which i am about to relate. about 3 weeks back, after our first trip out without spouses, she and i started talking on the internet (chat, email). within 1/2 talks, she confessed to me that she was upset with me because i did not seem happy at the outing (we took the kids out) and her efforts (she drove us to the place) were wasted. i was surprised by this, and taken aback, and puzzled why anyone should be upset even though i may not have had a good time, when much to the contrary i did. she repeated the same thing when we went out the second time. recently, on chat, she hinted that things were not so hunky dory with her n her hb and joked about having an affair (never mentioned me though incase you are wondering). also she said her hb didnt fancy her anymore framed as a joke. all these things made me feel uncomfortable. my wife recently called them during the week to wish them on a event, and her hb asked her 1/2 times about how we spend our weekend ('all action, no talk?') when we were joking about communication in marriage. the lady once also asked me if i had planned some 'fun' over the wknd when my wife come home. he also joked that my wife was having an affair in her new workplace away from me, which is fine 1/2 times but if its every time then its makes one feel slightly uncomfortable.i am not looking for trouble, we really like this couple, has been a long time since we gelled so easily with anyone, and really want tocontinue this friendship (they have suggested dinner plans 2 weeks out from today as i write this) but these recent developments have started making me and now my wife feel uneasy and unsure about their angle. when i now see her on chat, i am no longer sure if i should avoid her or say hi, or just log out and not be able to talk to other friends then, although i do admit i love talking to her about general things. i am also no longer sure how much of the conversation i have with her can be relayed ad verbatim to my wife. over time we have quickly become v good friends (possibly due to how many times we have met). also our daughters have become v good friends, and do not want to jeopardise that as well.question: there is a lot at stake, what should we do, where do we go from here?
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (27 November 2009):
 The really damning sign is that you thought there were things you couldn't relay to your wife. This a sign of trouble, pure and simple.
Be completely upfront with these people. When they say something that makes you uncomfortable, tell them. If she says something you'd hesitate to share with your wife, then you know it's something that's out of bounds.
I agree that new friendships are hard to make when you have small children. This one has potential, but only if you make your comfort zone very clear to them.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): make sure you and your wife both know exactly what has been said between you all, this deosnt look good to me, and i have a feeling that in time these people will cause trouble between you and your wife. Id leave the msn'ing and just either chat on the phone when your wife is around or stick with dinner dates.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): Talk to your wife about it. What do you want out of the relationship with this other couple? It sounds like they are flirting with you, perhaps they want to swing or have a 4-some or experiment. If you're not into that, or unsure about their intentions, make it clear that you are only friends and do not like jokes about infidelity. If the innapropriate behaviour doesnt stop, it could be a misunderstanding, or stop talking to them. You're not the one jeopardizing things, they are.
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