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anonymous
writes: Please help me. I have just split up with my wife and I'm devastated.We have been married for 8 years, but we have had a very bumpy marriage. We have many times in the past, but this time it is serious. She has even started to see someone new.She said it only has just started (within the last 2 weeks, but I have only been moved out for about three weeks). She says she cares about me, but as you can imagine I feel helpless.The reasons we have had a bumpy marriage is because our personalities clash from the smallest thing to the biggest, but I can't seem to stop loving her. The passion between us has always been electric. How we started our relationship was through my wife splitting up with her ex husband and in turn dating me, in which turn it started with us becoming serious and eventually to marriage.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (29 March 2005):
 Was it her decision to go?You have been married for quite a while so you both must have tried very hard to make it work. Did you consider going to Relate? Would she possibly consider that now?She cares about you but does she still love you? It is very fast for her to be seeing someone else. She hasn't given herself much time to get over her marriage break-up.You say your personalities clash but you must have tried compromising and talking with each other.The thing is, do you want her back? Reading between the lines of your letter, it seems as if you do but what about the fact that she is now seeing someone else? Do you wish to wait and see if that fizzles out?Perhaps what you need to do is talk with her again and find out for certain if she really feels it is all over and done with. Obviously if she is adamant about the split you aren't going to necessarily change her mind. You could, however, put forward points to make her think about her decision. For example, that you have been together for a very long time, that you have a passionate and loving relationship and that if you both talk together you could reach compromises and decisions regarding your relationship.It may be the case that you will have to let her go and try to build your own life again. She may leave you no option. You may well continue to still love her but you do still have your own life to lead. This will be hard but not impossible. You could do the things that perhaps you didn't have as much time for before. You could even take up a new interest. You need to keep yourself occupied.Try to talk to her first and really establish what she wants. If she won't talk to you, try writing a letter which can be easier as you can cover more issues and feelings.I do hope this helps.
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