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male
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anonymous
writes: Me and my girlfriend are going through a bit of a rough patch. She's really stressed at the moment. She's doing her exams. I'm a bit stressed cause I'm changing jobs, resulting in arguments. I try to be as supportive as I can, cause she needs it right now, but if I say the slightest thing wrong it results in a massive argument. I know it's the other way round too. I don't know what to do. It's a real strain on our relationship and I just want everything to be OK again.
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (23 May 2006):
 Stress does not affect all of us in the same way, nor are our coping mechanisms all the same. Unfortunately both of you are going through stressful events simultaneously. It sounds like you are a thoughtful and empathetic partner. You and your girlfriend will be at the mercy of stress and the coping mechanisms until she finishes her exams and you regain some certainty in your career.
When I am going through a stressful time I usually cope by either getting grumpy or exercising. The latter option is a great stress reliever but when I can't exercise my family bears the brunt of my grumpiness. I have remained married for eleven years, so I am lucky enough to have such an understanding family. My wife has similar coping mechanisms, so during the times when we both are stressed, the house is not a fun place to be.
One of the things we try to do is set aside a date night where it is just us, without the kids. For instance, our next date night will be dinner and a movie. It gives us a chance to escape our stress for an evening. We usually will not talk about the stressful times because we have already done so (and loudly) at home. Sometimes we will set aside a day to golf or go skiing. This summer I am thinking about taking my wife horseback riding, something we haven't done in over ten years.
It is exam time in your relationship. It won't be the first test, and if your relationship survives, it won't be the last. I wish you and your girlfriend a successful conclusion to this test.
A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (23 May 2006):
 Hey!
Stress sucks doesn't it!?
I have a suggestion which I know works on me and when my boyfriend does it for me out of the blue, I feel all the stresses melting away. Next time you are with her, don't say anything, lead her over to the couch or onto the bed and give her the best shoulder/back/foot rubs of her life. This doesn't require any words (probably only groans of pleasure from her) so there is no risk of any arguments. And afterwards, she will be so relaxed that you too can spend some quality time.
Have fun! xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): It's times like this that really test a relationship. Try and make sure you arn't in each others faces all the time, spend at least one day a week doing something away from her. Or alternatively, agree to go out somewhere for the evening and agree not to discuss exams or your job. Try and talk about happy times, like when you got together and things like that.
Also it might be good to plan something special for when her exams finish, or when you've moved jobs. Plan something good, it'll be a nice thing to look forward to :)
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