A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My bestfriend happens to be this guy I'v known since I was 8 years old,I'm 24 now and we still remain that close,he's 24 too..I'v dated men,so has he but the both of us never had a relationship ever! Let's call him mark,now mark has stood by me thru thick and thin,he gave me his shoulder to cry on..but lately I'v feel the men I date get intimidated by mark so do his girlfriends! You may wonder why me and mark never dated when I was 18 I did give it a thought but I was worried if it did not work out I would lose my best friend..now mark is dating this girl who dislikes me cuz the both of us had an important event(party)and mark came to mine and ditched hers!I don't know if she's the right girl for mark but if he's happy with her then that's what I want!should I talk to this girl and tell her she has nothing to worry about?or should I not hang out with mark ascmuch?
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 March 2013):
 I agree with KC that Mark was wrong to go to your party instead of his girlfriend’s party. If I was the girlfriend I would figure that YOU are more important to me based on his behavior.
If you do not have a boyfriend right now, I’d really back off and let Mark establish his relationship with his new girlfriend. SHE MUST COME FIRST in his life. If you can’t accept that, or he can’t (and I’m not saying you can’t) then perhaps you and Mark need to re-evaluate this “friendship” I’m betting it’s more about not being physically attracted to each other than wanting to damage the friendship. Personally I would much rather date and marry my best friend if possible.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (4 March 2013):
 Well Mark was wrong for choosing your event over hers, he needs to learn that if he wants a sucessful relationship he has to put his girlfriend first over his friends.
In an ideal world you would find a boyfriend then the 4 of you could go out on double dates and have fun together as a group, then no-one would be worried or uncomfortable by your friendship.
However if you dont currently have a boyfriend, I guess the best thing to do is to encourage Mark to start putting his girlfriend first. Teach him that he needs to choose her over you now he has a girlfriend because she will start to get jealous if he chooses you over her. Perhaps you could ask Mark if he thinks it would be a good idea if you met up with her and talk to her - but only do it if Mark agrees.
If you do meet up with her, then explain that you and Mark have been friends since you were 8 and that there are no romantic feelings there whatsoever, that he is your best friend and that is it. Tell her that you are really happy Mark has met someone he really likes and all you want is to see Mark happy, so you are looking forward to getting to know her and hope that in time you can be friends too. Explain that Mark feels really bad for choosing your event over hers and that he knows it was wrong and it wont happen again, and that you had no idea she had an event on that night (I hope you didnt know, if you made Mark choose you over her that would be very bad!) and if you had known she had an important event on that night you would have made Mark go to hers.
I dont think you need to stop seeing Mark so much, he is your friend and you can spend time with your friends as much as you want. But make sure Mark learns to put his girlfriend first, he has to show his committment to his relationship otherwise he will end up single forever because he puts his friends first above anyone else.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 March 2013):
 The girl is not worried that you and Mark will fall in love, she just doesn't like that Mark is at times unavailable because of you. It's reasonable that people will be intimidated by this friendship. Best friends like this are like couples without the sex. It makes your partners feel like they are just in your life to give you the parts that Mark is not giving you, when partners should be a priority in your life. I think you and Mark should space out your meetings throughout the month. It is my belief that your boyfriend is also your best friend. We have busy lives. Whenever we have free times we should spend it with loved ones.
...............................
|
