A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i wanted to no which one of these relationships that i can found out if it;s love or in love with? my first one was when i was young i call him my true love cause even though its has been a few yrs but i still say that i love him we just keep bumping heads but each time that we come together its like the first sometimes i dont think we are a good match but i will always have feelings for him. the next one i have been dating since 2003 til now he tells me that he loves me a lot and have asked me do i love him and i tell him no but i do care for him,but im not in love with him because of the things he have done to me which is very bad he has cross the line with with a close family member no sex but have made suggestion about it. he help me with my bills but i still cant say that i love him. the other one he had to return back to his country but he made me happy and i no that if he ever return i will be here for him but its hurts cause i feel like it a waste of time cause it seems like he's never coming back. can you tell me if any of this is love or am i in love what should i do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): Love is nothing to do with your opportunistic sexual liaisons in the past. Get to know who you are. And get to know what are your wants, needs and expectations and requirements for a partner. That is your contract with you. Stick to that contract and start looking only at men who meet your criteria. Resolve to get to know any such man who meets your criteria for ONE whole YEAR in a fully committed exclusive relationship only with that man, where neither of you cheat in that year, before you give your permission and before you allow a sexual relationship to start. Start just being friends with the man, and listening to the man. The no good ones will get bored at not getting sex quickly and easily, and will move on to an easier woman. That is not a loss for you. These men are just demonstrating that they do not recognise anything in you that is worth waiting for, for them, and they do not want a love relationship with you, and they are not in love with you, and you are just easy sex to him. At your age it is sad that you have so little insight into what is love and what is not love. But is only lust, short term, and temporary. In the past you have been too impulsive and too sexually accomodating with the men who have flattered you and smiled at you, in order to have sex with you. Try refusing sex until you have discovered a man's character fully. The losers will discard you quickly. This is good. You dont have time to waste on losers. Sadly i surmise you have put up with a series of losers in the past. Just wanting and expecting one of your past losers to transform into a man who truly loves you and who you truly love, is naive dumb claptrap. This is not love. Love is getting to know a man as just a man, his hopes, dreams, motivations, his fears, his inadequacies, his shortcomings, his relationships with his family and friends, his character, his reputation BEFORE you agree to sexual relations with him. And it is about you recognising the type of man you are looking for. Do not waste your time on men who do not meet your standards. Random sexual connections, which i would describe as sexual chaos in your situation is not indicative of an intention by the man to commit to a committed long term love relationship. . Randomly you have connected with people. There are millions of people you could have connected with in the world. Why you connect easily with anyone can be subject to so many variables. Such as how sexually aggressive a male can be about finding available or desperate or even silly woman who think being easily available sexually is important, when it is NOT. Men quickly forget and dismiss easy to seduce woman. They are merely sexual sport for the man. It feeds the ego of the man, but most times it ends when the man gets bored, or sees another woman he wants to mount, where the new woman has not yet discovered what a jerk he is. If you want to separate real and genuine men, from sexual jerks, then have higher standards and do NOT be so sexuakly aggressive jerks.
|
