A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for 3 years and we have talked about having sex for a while, last time we tried it hurt me a lot and we haven't tried since. We're both virgins BTW. we are planning to have a weekend alone no room mates, no family, just the two of us. So i am wondering about a few things. What can we do to avoid the pain from last time, what should i do to make myself more sexy for him, so he relaxes and is there anything wrong with having a drink or two to help us relax? or whatever. Also any other recommendations to make it special.
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female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (15 October 2008):
You have the right idea. Maybe have a nice dinner then after a nice bath together with candles and lots of bubbles. This really sets the mood but make sure when you are in the bath you don't touch your sexual zones (vagina, penis, breasts,etc) let him wash you and you wash him. Then after move into the bedroom for lots of kissing and cuddling. Just take your time, think of it as foreplay. This will help you to get really wet, if you need some extra help use some lube. Then slowly get him to pay more attention to your breasts and vagina. It will all happen, but just remember it's not a race. Sometimes guys think all we need is a quick poke here and there and then we are ready but we do not just "turn on" so lots of foreplay is needed and really this will start at dinner with flirting and little touches and eye contact. Wear whatever makes you feel sexy, including some sexy undies. They make you feel good and make him aroused. Just enjoy. Also if you are worried about the pain ask him not to go really deep into you, get him to only put so much of his penis in you. Just enjoy!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): You have the right idea! Besides setting the mood and doing whatever you have to do to feel "sexy" remember you both have to relax. I had the same problem as you my first time. My boyfriend was very experienced and I was a mere virgin which worked out because he was able to get me to relax so that he could penetrate me. I think you have the same problem, you might be too nervous and that makes it virtually impossible to enter you without him causing you tremendous pain. So, relax and yes have a drink!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (29 September 2008):
 Well I think that you are on the right track - start the evening with perhaps a nice but easy dinner, or whatever you both enjoy. Avoid any kind of excess pressure or anxiety. Relax together with plenty of kissing and foreplay with no hurry. It may be a good idea to have a small bottle of water-based lubricant handy - just in case you are too tight. But above all, you both should take your sweet time about it. Encourage him to gently and slowly caress your vulva at length - eventually fingering you first with one, then two fingers for awhile. Hold-off on stimulating him too much until you become very wet and heated. When you both finally feel ready to attempt penetration, he should be very slow and gentle about it. He should first just insert the head after rubbing it around the opening for a moment - then wait a moment as you hopefully become more naturally lubricated - then very slowly insert a bit more, pausing at least a few seconds about a half inch each time. He should pull back (but not out) occasionally until you become more and more lubricated. The main thought is patience - this is not a race. Take your time.
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