A
male
age
36-40,
*allabyWallop
writes:Hey, I'm new here, but I have a question that has bugged me for some time.I am a younger male, and have been in a relationship for 17 months. My problem is not the relationship itself; I love my girlfriend just how she is and we get along so well that we don't even fight. I find her attractive physically, but I love her for the wonderful woman she is more. Both of us are significantly underweight.My problem is that I've always found the idea of a girl gaining weight appealing. Let's be clear, I have a no-look policy. My belief is to be faithful; looking at another woman is wrong, and pornography is absolutely heinous. So when browsing DeviantArt (one of my favorite sites), I saw a picture of a female "weight gain" sequence and was appalled at myself for being engrossed by the idea.I don't think how a woman looks is important: tall, short, thin, large, bald, purple...it doesn't matter. If my girlfriend gained weight, I would love her no less.But that is just the problem, I'm afraid that I would be causing that weight gain. Pressuring a woman into gaining weight is a violation of her personal values, and I never want to be that guy. I did some research; "feeder" is the term. My concern, is that is she ever did gain weight (of her own accord) and she found me to be more physically attracted to her, would I be subconsciously "feeding" her?It's a fantasy. I don't it flowing over into my reality.Thanks for your time,-WallabyWallop
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (16 August 2008):
Yeah I saw a documentary on this kind of stuff and it was scary. As a "feeder" this guy was bringing home enough mcdonalds to feed a family of 5. Others were being absolutely horrible to their girlfriend and then leaving them in foods of tears surrounded by food so they would comfort eat.
I really don't think you are on that level as you sound like a nice guy and not a psychopath.
We all do something subconsciously to alter our partners appearance, whether it's hiding that awful T-shirt so they can't wear it or making them salad to help them loose a few pounds.
It's only if you get seriously obsessed that you need to worry.
This may sound racist, but since you are an American I really don't think you will have any problems in finding girls who are overweight. Your nation is famous for it. If you find a girl who is a bit on the large side then you can love her for who she is and make her feel beautiful, and really that makes you the perfect man.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, WallabyWallop +, writes (16 August 2008):
WallabyWallop is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, thanks :)
Maybe my real issue is that I worry too much. It helps to have someone else say it so I know I'm not fooling myself.
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