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anonymous
writes: Im a 28 year old male. I was with this girl for over 4 years and we broke up about 8 months ago. She has been seeing someone else. Whenever things go wrong in her life I'm the first one she comes to. I miss her so much and want us to get back together. Deep down I think she wants the same. Her reason for breaking up was that she was too young. I really want her back. Please someone help me and I mean I want her back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2005): Ex-es are a tricky terrain. No matter what choice you make, what transpires between you, you'll always wonder "what if". How are you? Are you an emotional wreck when you don't see her, when you do see her, or when she's gone? Being familiar with someone makes it so easy to fall back into old habits. If she felt comfortable with you when she was upset and needed a shoulder, then those feelings have not changed and she's falling right back to what she knows-your comforting arms. Unfortunately this is at your expense. You still love her. You wish these complaint sessions of hers could be solved by "I'm so sorry honey, let me make you feel better" and a romp in the bedroom. It's not like that now because of her choice to end your relationship, meaning she chose to end being responsible for giving you a shoulder when you were down. It's not fair and it's not right. You make think she wants to start the relationship again, but she's getting the better end of the bargain. She has told you in so many ways that your feelings aren't important, and by not realizing this, you're letting yourself get hurt. What you need to do is set her free and see if she comes back. The next time she calls, upset and needing someone to talk to, don't let yourself be that option. Give her awhile to figure things out on her own and then call her the next day, say you weren't able to call her back, and ask how she's doing. Continue to do this, increasing the length of time between your conversations and contacts. Go to the gym if she comes by your house during certain hours or catch a film. It might also be nice to meet someone, male or female, that is a new person that doesn't know the two of you a sa couple. By slowly weening her off you, you will become stronger in the process and realize you have yourself to take care of and your own life to deal with. If it turns out she can't be with this new guy because she doesn't feel happy and consoled, she will probably seek you out, but by not giving in right away and showing her that you have a life too that has its own set of troubles, she will come to respect you more. It's almost summer (if you're on the Northern Hemisphere), and now is the time to take your life into your hands and enjoy some time in the healing sun and spend some time figuring out your own needs.
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reader, peachy +, writes (11 June 2005):
it mite sound obvious but i really think you should talk to her about it and tell her exactly how you feel.four years is a long time to be with someone when youre still young maybe she wanted to gain more experience before settling down with someone?whatever you do though dont pressure her into anything or you may risk losing her completely.good luck!
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