A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help...I am a successful, 34 year old married man with three great kids. My 8 year marriage is average...fair share of arguing, not much sex, but happy kids and my wife and I get along about half of the time. Actually we are more like roommates at this point. If we didn't have kids one of us may have left by now, but we want to work through this "stage" and we love our kids very much.I met a beautiful, warm and funny woman at work about 5 years ago and harmlessly flirted with her for the first four years. She is married too. About 6 months ago she confessed that she had feelings for me and thought about me and even though about me when she was having sex with her husband, which she also said was not happening often with him. We have intense feelings for each other but have not acted on them because there is no good ending to it. I spend a lot of time thinking about her, probably too much, but I can’t help it. I didn’t intend on this happening, it just did. Last week I found out that she was being laid off and I am devastated. I know it is wrong but she was my best friend at work and I always held out hope that I would eventually be intimate with her. Please don’t bash me for this but I did hang on to that hope. Should I stay in contact with her (she wants to), or let it go. Either way it is hard so I just want to talk to someone about this and let my feelings out because I am really having a hard time right now. Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): I agree. Divorce your wife if things are so dull. But instead, why don't you spend a little time examining why they are that way before you get involved with another human being who might bore you in a few years. Sometimes the first person we marry is not the right one. So if that is the case , do not put off the inevitable.
A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (6 August 2009):
 Hi You know as well as i do that you shouldn't keep in touch. I bet you won't be able to help yourself though will you?First it'll be texts,then calls,then meeting in hotel rooms in the afternoons for wild and passionate love making.You'll be completely besotted and arousing suspicion at home. Acting distant and irritated with your wife. Or maybe full of guilt, who knows?The sex side will wain after so long, just like it has with your wife. You'll have told that many lies you won't know yourself. Your wife will find out and she'll divorce you, or worse still stay together knowing the awful truth and she makes you pay every day. What a choice!Fate has intervened and given you a golden opportunity. You will ruin many lives for the sake of a quick thrill. There is no good ending to it, you're right
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (6 August 2009):
 No. You should NOT remain in contact with her. You have both crossed the friendship line already having spoken about your feelings for one another. You may not be happy at home, but you are both married. You both owe it to you spouses to get into marriage counseling and work out your problems with them. The grass is always greener when you aren't getting any - and you need to stop looking outside your marriage for it. Your spouse isn't aware that you are looking outside the marriage for it, and she probably is wondering why she isn't getting any either! You and your coworker both took vows with other people. You owe it to them to try to solve the problems within your own relationships, not look outside of them.
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