A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well I see a few people on here have already commented on this topic but mines is slightly different so here's the story.When I was about 18 I met this guy who I ended up dating for nearly 2 years. We were completely in love (or so I thought) we'd do everything together and even shared friends etc. I got pregnant just over a year into the relationship and felt i was too young to have the baby but was prepared to do whatever he wanted as i loved him so much! He said he wouldn't decide and he would stand by me whatever, i took this as he didnt want the baby and so booked in for a Termination! It was the most horrific day of my life and i didnt stop crying from morning to evening. But thought it was for the best! I now regret that day more than anything ive ever done in my life and think about it every day!So after that we went on holiday to relax and talked alot so everything felt like it was fine with us once again.Then a few months later we broke upNo warningNo Reason was given!It absolutely broke my heart and i wanted to die i couldnt stop crying, couldnt eat and lost my job because i couldnt manage to get through the door without bursting into tears (no exhaguration) so a few months passed in a blur i cried, felt suicidal, tried begging with him to take me back said i'd change etc etc A few months later (approx 6) he called me and said he needed to tell me something.....He was getting married!!!! he said he didnt want me to hear it from anyone else!!! I was fuming!!! i couldnt believe it!That seemed to close that page of the book until about 4 months later!!!!He started calling me at stupid hours of the morning, texting me all through the day telling me he loved me that he'd made the wrong decision!!!!He said the reason for our break up was because he loved me soooo much and was scared of how i made him feel and what he was prepared to do for me! He said that he thought me deciding to not carry on with the pregnancy was my way of saying i didnt want him for life!!! I couldnt believe what i was hearing!!! We both cried on the phone for hours and everything came out about how we felt that day how id cried all through and wanted him to stop me, but at the same time wouldn't stop myself for the fear of being a single mum, and him feeling like i'd ruined his life!!!He told me he was going to leave her and come be with me. I hated that i was plotting behind his wifes back but i still loved him soooooo much! It took about 4 months to plan i'd moved out of home and was renting on my own until he could move everything seemed to perfect after all this time!!!Then his wife was pregnant!I cried even more and looked in on the life i could have been having!!He's told me that he wishes it was us and that he can't leave his family now he has a Daughter!He carried on calling though and i told him i couldnt take it anymore but he still text saying he wont let me go completely.I'm with someone else now but i still love him i find myself comparing my current boyfriend to him and wishes all sorts of evil things for my ex's wife!!! Im not an evil person but this is how he makes me think!He calls and texts now and again but ive told him to lay off as i cant handle it.Trouble is i cant get over him, ive tried and tried and everything i do reminds me of him!I love my current boyfriend but no where near as much as my ex, and know i would leave him if my ex told me he would come back!I don't want to forget about him but i need my feelings for him to stop.I don't know how to do this as i finished with him about 4 years ago and since then all this has happened should i pursue my ex and hurt his wife and daughter if he says that he made a mistake or keep on as i am????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): Hey,
This is a messy situation. You really ought to break off all contact with him, it sounds as though the constant on-off thing has become addictive and it is interferring with your ability to function.
He seems to need the ego boost that you are there and his wife is there. He doesnt know what he wants and no answer will be reached by him all the time you are still in contact.
You need to be strong and break off contact. And it will be hell for a while. It will ache and hurt and you will be depressed. But then, slowly you will start to forget, to not think of him the first thing in the morning, to not need to think how he would appreciate something or what wouldve happened if. Also, if you have a mate far away post them all the correspondence, anything that makes you think of him, even his contact details and make a pact with yourself not to want them back until you feel you can do it without being upset. Better to get them out of the house than to "press on the bruise".
Then you can start to build up some self esteem, get some friends, develop some support in your life. Relationships like this have a nasty habit of obliterating all else and you dont realise you are missing life.
Wishing you loads of luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): I know it is hard but you need to move on. It is not healthy at this point for you to still be hanging on like this. Sadly for you he has made a decision to stay with his wife and be her husband. That means you are not really focusing on your life with your bf but on your old old life that is gone. Focus on you and your new bf. Not the old....he has moved on.
Please be careful and take care of YOURSELF!
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