A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I were together for 9 months, we split up at Christmas 2007. We had lived together for 6 of the 9 months we were together, and that was the first time either of us had lived away from home, or with anyone else other than family.We found it easy in the beginning, but closer to Christmas, I lost my job, money was tight, my boyfriend had alot of personal problems, things got too much and we ended it. I moved out and he stayed in the house we were renting.So we have been apart for 7-8 months, and just recently (4 weeks ago) we decided to give it another go. We agreed we would be taking it slow, he now has his own house/mortgage and has been living on his own all this time. Things have been going very well, we're learning from the mistakes we made the first time round, and all was running smoothly. Until one night when he had been out with the lads on the lash, and he was very, very drunk when I picked him up. He told me he loved me, that in a couple of years he wanted to marry me, he wanted us to have a baby after we got married, etc etc, alot of really deep stuff. This really confused me because I thought we both wanted to take it slow. Yet when I talked to him about it when he was sober a few days later, he really clammed up, said he now felt pressure to tell me he was in love with me etc and was happy to carry on taking things slow.The things is, I now feel ready to tell him how I feel etc...We were in love before and although in the time we had slpit up, feelings did fade, the night he said all that to me, my feelings just came back with a vengeance.So I'm confused. I know when you're drunk, you often come out with how you really feel. I asked him if he was holding back on his feelings for me (when he was sober) and he said no, but he wanted to make sure everything was right this time round...He says he still has alot of feelings for me, but doesn't want to have a "rigid, set future" (I suppose we did before, we often talked about marriage etc).I do feel a little lacking, I want to tell him I love him and hear it from him, after all we were in love before...Do I just sit tight and wait for him to be ready for more commitment? Or do you think he might not ever be ready?
View related questions:
broke up, christmas, drunk, money, moved out, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes taking things slow meant sex was included...I feel really used right now...I'm not someone with low self esteem/self worth, nor do I ever get into a "fling" type relationship, I just thnought that with my ex, it would progress into something more, But hey, life goes on!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2008): Dear Poster
I have empathy with you; you have been through an emotional roller coaster; This guy have been "playing" with your feelings' it is so sad and yeah, I wish he was near, then I would personaly lik to have a "talk" to him; BUT
he is not the victim here, neither is he the person I am concerned about; I am worried about you;
You have given and put into this relationship a lot; it is not easy when it almost get's turned into your face;
HOWEVER
You are strong and you can survive and cope without this gy; you NOW know where you are standing and you should get out ther and meet people; yes, I know this sounds "crazy" and difficult, but you DESERVE better;
Please do not let this guy chip down on your self esteem and self confidence; he does not deserve you;
PLease, lift your head high; look in the mirror and love yourself; his loss....your gain!
Stop all contact with him; please don't allow him in 2 or 3 weeks to confuse you again; MOE ON
You can and will find the right person to value and love you;
Go out; open your eyes and start looking for THAT guy;
Best wishes and keep SMILING
(A smile always attracts attention and it is healthy)!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, things went totally wrong yesterday, he came round after work to tell me he wasn't ready for a relationship right now. Feeling pretty hurt right now but what else can I do? Don't know if i should hold out waiting or just move on...
...............................
A
female
reader, miso31  +, writes (22 August 2008):
I think he loves you, otherwise he wouldn't of given it another go. But, I think he's extremely scared and nervous things are going to go south again so he's trying to protect himself. I know it's incredibly hard, but just give him some time and a bit of space. He's not ready to say it outloud or talk about the future because that is extremely hard and scary when you've been hurt before. It's only month one, maybe tell yourself you'll check in and see how things feel at month 2. Maybe not with words but his actions. If at month 2 you can't comfortably say I love you and he doesn't it, maybe it's time to talk about whether or not things are working. Good luck!
...............................
|
