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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: hi i am in need of some help and advice !! my bf split up with me by a txt msg after 2 years and has never told me why our relationship was not completely perfect as he never had time for me in his life we only seen each other about 3 times a week and everybody used to tell me i could do alot better than him and basically yesterday i found out he has a new girlfriend and she is 6 years younger than him and actually is nothing to look at dont mean to sound nasty here but i have a good career in modelling and the guy could never keep his hands off me, i have been so ill since he ended it , lost over a stone in weight and can't sleep or anything, and last nite i told him i was pregnant (which i am not) but i just wanted to hurt him i realise 2day i should not have done this and i told him the truth and how i wanted him to hurt as much as I was hurting i feel like such an idiot for lying to him now !! he told me he has moved on after 3 weeks and that 3 week's is a long time for him and that he is sorry and he wants to remain friends with me i can't get over how he is now with someone else as he used to tell me how in love with me he was he said he does not know why he ended it he just does not know i am finding it so hard as we were talking about marriage and children and now it's all over !! i have this other guy asking me out but i am scared i am only going to go out with him as a rebound thing, please if anyone has any advise i would appreciate it as I am in a mess and can not concentrate on anything but him and this new girlfriend!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007): Sorry you are hurting this much and you probably are because it was sudden and it involved another girl.
I guess what you may have learned is that being model pretty won't guarantee you getting and keeping the perfect man.
So what does guarantee it? Nothing really, but there are a few things that do matter and the main was is the man's character....Next time pay attention to what it is about you that the guy really likes....if he is in love with your looks mostly, he is superficial and probably not going to stick around, not saying he left you for some other looker, but he likes to play around with women and when he knew he had you hook line and sinker, he got scared and got moving because there are so many pretty women in the sea and he needs the ego gratification.
Tap into that inner beauty you have and figure out what characteristcs in a man you need to make you feel happy when you are with him, like sense of humor or seriousness or steadfastness, or carefree attitude or leadership ability, make a list and look for that guy who has 80% of those qualities because if you're finding mister 100%, you are not seeing the real man because no one is perfect for you....the rest requires some work to appreciate what you do have and what you can give him other than just looks...
Cheer up, he doesn't deserve you.
A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (3 January 2007):
 It is obvious that you are hurting, and that is normal when you have been counting on someone being there with you and they suddenly bail on you without a real explination. This guy is completely selfish, and that is not something that you can cure him of. Tell yourself, "He really blew this one, he doesn't know what he had." and then go on to tell yourself, "I wouldn't have wanted him anyway if this is what the future would hve held for us." Give yourself time to be hurt, grieve, and be sad. It's a huge emotional jolt to have someone do this to you, especially when you didn't see it coming. After, and only after, you have gotten yourself together and feel better about the situation, then go out and date other people. Right now, you are angry and not in the best frame of mind to be developing a new and healthy relationship. Try to look at this as a good thing... would you have really wanted to learn how selfish this guy was AFTER marrying him and having kids? Trust me, it's better to be hurting now, than later when you have soooo much more invested. I know right now, it feels like crap, (been there myself), but eventually (in the near future) you will be able to look at this break up and be GLAD it happened. Someone out there is the ONE for you, this guy wasn't it. If he was, he wouldn't be where he is right now, and you wouldn't be where you are right now. Take a deep breath, eat a couple of pints of icecream, sluff around in your jammies and watch a sad movie or two. Take care of yourself, and when you get sick of feeling this way, get off the couch and get back out there to meet someone that is worthy of you. Best Wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007): He knows why and he needs to tell you as it is giving you false hope. On his side he is trying to let you down easy and LISTEN.
It's over and you know it. He has moved on and has someone.
You need to know why and he needs to lay it all out. Even then...all you can do is listen, come to terms it is over and his reasons are valid to him and he made his decision, and you need to work on making changes on yourself so that you don't lose another "perfect" man.
Happily Ever After is when you are 80 and have your husband holding your hand and your grandchildren are laughing and happy. This comes with much hard work, sacrificing, and re-dedication to another, long suffering, patience, forgiveness, listening...growing together and overcoming together.
Life wasn't meant to be easy nor was it meant to be perfect...it is about mess and trials so that you can better appreciate the good moments.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 January 2007):
 He obviously isn't ready to settle down and is still playing the field. He wasn't the right guy for you, trust me, and you will realize this in time. Go out with this new guy, have fun and try not to take everything so seriously. When the right guy walks in you both will know it. Good luck, honey. You'll be just fine.
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