A
male
age
41-50,
*roke both of our hearts
writes:Hello , july 14th last year i met the most amazing woman i've ever known. we live quite a distance away geographically but were closer at heart than siamese twins. i started the relationship off with a LIE! i had unfinished business with an ex that wouldn't leave me for over a year and i didn't want to geoprodize this relationship with knowledge of my past that was following close behind. lying to her broke her heart, she trusted me when she has never trusted anyone her entire life. i have cried for six days straight she in on antidepressants and wants to end the relationship all together,says that maybe one day she would trust me again but there will always be that maybe that i screw up. i have scheduled an appointment to see a neuropsycologist because i have adhd and i have also come to the resent realization that i have compulsive liers disorder. i am making the effort to improve my self and i know its for all the right reasons,but she is scared to try again and says if i were to screw up again she couldn't go on living anymore AND THIS IS TRUE its been close lately for her. i can't stop crying im now in physical pain and i just want her and everyone else to believe me . what do i do 1. let her go?2. try to save this once in a life time chance at happiness i will never get over this girl i've known this since i met her. please im dieing on the inside Reply to this Question
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male
reader, broke both of our hearts +, writes (24 April 2008):
broke both of our hearts is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you sooo much, your words are kind and stern which i need . the strength has to come from my heart which is torn but not yet destroyed , its being held together with what i feel for her and what i have gained within myself through this unfortunate experience.i have always been on the end of the spectrum that learns from mistake... but i learn none the less. i just wished i would have had some guidance to this effect before i met her,and could have given her the respect and honesty that she so fully deserves. the answer lies in my own insecurities, the whole reason behind lies in general in our society today. im very thankful to you for your words of wisdom, im sorry about your loss, ihope this reaches you in turn for the good deed you have done for me .
cheers !
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 Like I said before you need to express yourself to her with words as she is not getting anything back from you right now.
She needs you to be the strong one so stop the oh I'm hurt and support her. Tell her how much you love her and you will do anything to get her back, you know you have to regain her trust and you are going to get professional help to make yourself do that, tell her to be patient but you will regain her trust again, you know you can do it because she is your world and you will do anything to make that right again.
Say your sorry for the pain that you have caused but in your silly way you were trying to protect her from the pain and it was ONLY your ex not accepting that it was over that made you lie in the first place. That doesn't make up for it but you will if she allows you to have a second chance.
You need to get strong and you need to remember that by not showering or eating is not going to get her back.
We can all go through bad times and yes we can all think about ending it all believe me but you don't sound to me like a quitter, if she means that much to you this is the time that you fight back and prove to her how strong you can be, you can protect her and you will regain her trust.
Get yourself to the neuropsycologist as soon as possible and tell her that you would be willing to go to a joint counsellor who maybe specialises in relationships to prove to her how committed you are to making this work.
Only YOU can turn this situation around now as she is the one who is the victim as such so prove to her that you can make it all better.
Don't let her just send you that note and you leave it. FIGHT FOR HER now. You have to remember that she is already on antidepressants so she feels like the world has failed her, prove her wrong. Don't let her forget you, so her that you will do whatever it takes.
I'm sorry but you have to buck up your ideas and stop feeling sorry for yourself. We could all stop when the bad stuff hits, I had a relationship that came to an end after almost 20 years and my ex cheated on me when our daughter was 7 months old and it went on for 2 years until I found out. My dad passed away last February and I felt like my world had ended, I am on antidepressants and I have debt around my neck but I am not about to give up. I have a 7 year old daughter who needs me and so does my mum and sister so I need to stay strong and yes there are days when I don't want to do any of it but you HAVE to OK.
So start getting active, have a shower in the morning, eat some breakfast and make the appointments you need to make OK.
Let me know tomorrow how you have got on OK, I want to know what you are doing about this situation. Sitting there and saying I don't know what to do is not going to change the situation. We could sit around crying all day but that will never get anything done.
Here to support you but also to kick you in a verbal way OK, I am not trying to be abusive verbally but you need to start being pro-active not non-existent. We could all rely on other things to get us through bad times but that only blurs the whole situation. You don't need anything other than yourself and support from those who care OK.
Wait to hear from you and you can always mail me direct to my box OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
male
reader, broke both of our hearts +, writes (23 April 2008):
broke both of our hearts is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am so broken down ive really hurt us both and i can't even think long enough to get anywhere, or sleep,eat,couldn't even shower today, desire to seek unfortunate means of relief are at a high and the will to carry on a new outstanding low.
i and everyone in her life have let her down i can't live if i dont make this right !!!
thank you for the kind/meaningful words i hope i can make sense of it soon before i admit myself, this really really hurts !
this she wrote me last night after saying she wanted to end it
all
i'm sad. i have nothing to give you. ...at least i can be calm this way, and i could give have chance to make peace with myself and with the world that's failed
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (23 April 2008):
OOh this is a hard one to answer I must admit.
Have you explained to your woman about your condition or the fact that you are getting it sorted out by going to see a specialist?
I can understand the fact that she is scared and not sure what to do. I just wonder if you are right to be together at the moment as you are about to go through some counselling and perhaps she needs to feel strong again.
Your gf is on antidepressants and it is hard for her right now, why not put all your feelings down on paper and tell her how you feel about her and that you want to be together but you realise that you need help first to get your head straight for the first time in your life and that you want a relationship with her but understand that she is hurt and scared of being hurt again.
Perhaps you could keep up contact by writing to her constantly with little notes telling her how much you love her and want to be with her, if she agrees to this you will in a way be relighting a flame of love as such and you could try to woe her back by gradually getting help for yourself and allowing her some space to get her head straight but also talk to your neuropsycologist and see what he advises as all of this during treatment/counselling could be too much for you to cope with right now, only he could advise you on how your behaviour can be helped.
Honesty is the best policy but I can partly understand why you stayed quiet but she put her complete trust in you and once that has been damaged it is not something that can be put right overnight. Trust has to be earned and if you can reassure her that you will do every thing in your power to regain that trust and ask her not to give up on you that is all you can do but do get advice first OK.
Hope some of the above helps in some small way.
BFN
Country Woman
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