A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi my question is that I have been seeing a guy casually for about 8 months now.We had quite a big argument about 6 weeks ago and there were was no contact for 2 weeks, then he got in touch, so we started talking again.Whilst we were having no contact, it wasn't clear if we had split up or not (for me).During the time of no contact he had slept with another woman who now says she is pregnant.She does not want the baby and neither does he. He says she is distressed and crying and he thinks he should give some support with the termination.The support he suggested was going with her to the doctor and maybe some support around the time of the procedure.I obviously have conflicting feelings about this. She is young, 25 and not from the UK so doesn't have family here. On the one hand I think it is the right thing to do to give support but how much time is it reasonable for him to spend with her during this time?Also, he doesn't know anything about terminations so he asked me! He didn't ask about her welfare, ie will it be safe, painful etc.. but he seemed very intent on finding out how quickly a termination can be done and will it cost anything, which are reasonable enough questions in themselves but it made me wonder about whether he is genuinely showing support or just keen to keep an eye on her and ensure she ends the pregnancy, which in turn makes me think twice about him as a person and who I am getting involved with ....Also, as we had not officially split up, I am hurt that he slept with someone else. Any objective thoughts would be welcomed as I think I am too caught up with him emotionally to think and see clearly at the moment. Thank you.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 February 2017):
 You say you where casually seeing him so how did he cheat? Did you both have in your casual agreement not to have sex with other people?
Honestly if this was me I would just cut ties with him. He should be more supportive off this woman and you should not stand in the way off that. Also he obviously never used protection so you should go and see your doctor.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 February 2017):
 You were seeing him CASUALLY, so not REALLY in a serious relationship. And if a fight made you two NOT talk for two weeks well then it WAS over, you don't need an "official" statement that it's over or not. People who fight so bad that they VUT the contact are NOT going to work out. Why do I say that? Well, because of a fight is so bad that BOTH of you go silent instead of finding ways to mend fences or work it through how committed were you? Either of you?
And this guy? You are in the 41-50 age group and settling for this quasi-casual/dating relationship with a guy who, the MOMENT you two have a fight HE runs off to have SEX - UNPROTECTED SEX with a younger woman. IS that really a person who shows he is LONG TERM partner material? I think not.
I'd wish him well and BLOCK him and move on.
Otherwise what about NEXT time you have a fight and he has unprotected sex with another woman and this time SHE wants the baby? Or she has an STD?
Sorry, I'd say PASS on this guy. THERE are SO many more men out there, why settle for this mess?
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (23 February 2017):
 Sorry anon my advice would have been exactly the same.
Sorry MATE, you are hurting but leave both HER and him to it, keep out of it and my advice away from HER. The way I see it this will now and for a long time, maybe ever, be a weak point in the relationship. You feel betrayal due to uncertainty of the terms of "break", the fact that you were so easily replaceable and hHER being so carefree about un protected sex and getting HERSELF pregnant. Just so cheap and nasty.
Just saying...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2017): Switch the sexes of the people in this story and subtract the pregnancy angle. Watch it get a very different set of answers.
"You had a very big fight and then you went weeks of no contact? I'm sorry but you gave your girlfriend every reason to think it was over. You can't blame her for ending up in the arms of someone else trying to get over you."
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (22 February 2017):
Oh honey, your hurting but leave both him and her to it. Keep out of it and my advice away from him. The way I see it this will now and for a long time, maybe ever, be a weak point in the relationship. You feel betrayal due to uncertainty of the terms of "break", the fact that you were so easily replaceable and him being so carefree about un protected sex and getting some random pregnant. Just so cheap and nasty.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2017): RUN A MILE. BLOCK HIS NUMBER. MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.
This guy clearly is a shit person. You have him disappear on you for 2 weeks to find out he sleeps around without using any protection and gets someone pregnant. Whether or not it's his and whether or not the decide to keep the child is nothing to cinvent you. You need to get up the doctors and get tested fo all sexual transmitted diseases because it seems this man does not take an interest in preventing any. You deserve much better than that. You deserve a man who actually speaks to you if there is a problem and doesn't disapper with no contact for 2 weeks. You deserve a man who respects himself and other women enough to use some damn protection to ensure your sexual health is safe and not at risk. You deserve better than worrying about his intentions behind an abortion (because you're right, by not asking whether it's painful and instead focusing on how quick and if it costs anything is not the sign of a decent man - actually it's an incredibly worrying sign of bad character).
Get out while you can, and just focus on yourself and after a short while you'll soon date again and forget about this guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2017): I totally agree with everything the first poster said but I would also add that you should right away get tested for every STD there is.Look he got her pregnant so he did not use protection . I just also bet this is not the first time he did not use it.Every time he did that he risked your life.How in the world can that even be love?It is not.He is selfish and not worth your time...He only cares about his Johnson.For him to even fathom to ask you about terminations is cruel and unkind.Soooo why are you even still with him?He cheated on you....Risked your life STD.... Uncaring and unfeeling... Remember once a cheater Always a cheater.You can do so much better...You deserve respect.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2017): Honestly I think this guy is not worth it. As you say, you hadn't officially even split up! You were having a fight, and he sleeps with someone else in less than 2 weeks (or maybe less than 1 week) of being apart....I think that is an extremely low thing to do. Relationships have their ups and downs, sometimes a couple has a huge damn blowout fight, but there has to be trust that both parties will at least remain faithful until it is resolved one way or another (work on it, or split). I don't think he is an upstanding guy. And yes he does seem to be quite callous about the abortion. I get it, he doesn't want a kid, but maybe he should have thought of that before having sex without protection.
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