A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help please. I recently got back with my ex- we broke up at the end of october but then started talking again and things are the same as if we had been dating. he had referred to us as friends with benefits-something we were a few years back and it led to us being in a relationship this year-he told me he loved me-we had been apart for awhile before.after he read messages to a friend of mine, we talked and he then said that things really haven't changed-which he is right, i've noticed that its almost as if we are still dating-its the same as when we were dating except we don't have it on fb or anything. we still have sex and he still does things like he used to that show he cares,we still kiss and hang out watching shows that we used to and spend time together. sometimes he will call me hun and i call him honey. how can i get it back to relationship again? neither one of us is seeing anyone else-we're only seeing each other.he says you can be in love and not in a relationship. i still love him. and i know he still loves me even though we don't say it to each other now. how can i figure out what we are?- its confusing me. whats the difference between being friends with benefits and in a relationship? he later said that he thought i don't talk to others about our relationship- he doesn't mind but i had told him i don't. why would he say relationship all of a sudden if we aren't in one?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 December 2013):
 THIS is the only question in your submittal:
Q. "Whats the difference between being friends with benefits and in a relationship?"
A. In FWB, HE gets all he wants (sex) whilest not having to give a darn about you. In a relationship, he has to be nice to you.
Remember: Guys will feign being in a relationship in order to get sex; Girls will offer sex in the hope that it will lead to a relationship....
Good luck....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2013): "how can i get it back to relationship again?"As long as you're still putting out for him he has no reason or incentive to get back into a relationship. You're already giving him everything he wants so why would he want to up the ante when he doesn't stand to gain anything more?"he says you can be in love and not in a relationship"What he means is he can have sex and not be in a relationship. "how can i figure out what we are?- its confusing me."Nothing to be confused about. You're his piece on the side, a vagina on call available 24/7 strictly at his convenience and strictly for his pleasure. "whats the difference between being friends with benefits and in a relationship?"From a guy point-of-view FWB provides all the advantages of a relationship (regular sex) with none of the disadvantages (obligation, commitment, fidelity) and no effort or expense required on his part. As my late grandmother would have said, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?""he later said that he thought i don't talk to others about our relationship- he doesn't mind but i had told him i don't. why would he say relationship all of a sudden if we aren't in one?"In this context most likely either a slip of the tongue or else he just wants to string you along so you'll continue to sleep with him, but he probably doesn't want you to talk about your "relationship" because he doesn't want any other potential conquests to know that he's already getting it from you.Sorry, but I can't understand why chicks put out for ex-boyfriends. In my day back in the Stone Age the one disadvantage of breaking up was that it meant you would no longer be getting laid regularly.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 December 2013):
 You can figure out what you are by asking his best friend.
It sounds like you are being manipulated by him. Don't have sex with him. I know that sounds difficult but if you want an official relationship with him, don't have sex without having that all cleared up. Be very very busy, if he wants to see you, he'll have to ask you out on a proper date, he gets no 'free pass' just because you were intimate before.
"He says you can be in love and not in a relationship."
You can tell him that when you are in love you want it to be an official relationship. If he's still all that uncertain then he is not the guy for you. He is wasting your time and I would cut him loose immediately and make sure that you are out there dating other men.
My guess is that this will crystallize his wishywashy crapola.
So for now, if there is no official boyfriend/girlfriend relationship then there is no sexy boyfriend/girlfriend contact. My guess is that he will understand that very clearly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2013): The difference between friend with benefits and being in a committed relationship is :Commitment:1) Both parties mutually agree to be committed to each other; and will not date, or have sex with other people for as long as the commitment stands.2) You publicly acknowledge to others that you are boyfriends and girlfriends; and no longer consider yourselves in single status, by mutual agreement.3) You don't sleep with other people, unless there is a mutual agreement of an open-relationship.FWB's:1) You may sleep with whomever you please.2) You are free to date other people; even marry.3) Jealousy is unjustified and against FWB rules.4) You can keep the sex secret. 5) One of you is unable to move on after a breakup.6) Someone usually benefits more than the other.7) It is not an extension of your previously committed relationship. You're just friends.8) It usually hurts more to breakup the second-time;if you broke up before with the same person. 9) Somebody might be getting used until someone better comes along.10) It may be the only condition under-which an ex will comeback. 11) It's used as a temporary painkiller after a breakup.12) You can make-believe you got your ex back.13) Sex is better than when you were a committed couple.Don't be fooled. Just because you started out that way before, doesn't guarantee it will end that way this time.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 December 2013):
 Don't have sex with anyone that you are no longer in a relationship with, it will NEVER make them want you back and you will just end up being used and abused, like an unpaid prostitute.
Tell him you dont mind being friends but as there is no chance of ever getting back with him properly, sex is now off of the agenda.
He thinks a FWB is a relationship...he's giving it a name to spare himself the guilt of using you for a shag without having to commit to you.
Really, if you think this will make him want to be with you...you are just fooling yourself.
'he says you can be in love and not in a relationship'
yeah you can...but you dont have sex (thats the difference)
Honestly he is just using you and keeping his options open...if he meets someone else, he will toss you aside before you even know what happened...and when you complain, he will say...
'But honey, we were just friends with benefits, we arnt in a relationship, I thought you understood that'
The whole FWB thing is just a crock of horse shit and a way for men to get easy free sex.
Tell him to f*** off, he is using you!!
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