A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 16 and have been falling inlove with my friend. basically last night we were holding hands and he kissed my head and we just sat together sometimes and he asked me about the time i got off with him a few weeks before.. then he was asking me if i wanted to have sex with him. i didnt know whether he was serious or not. He then said i'm being serious i swear on my mothers life. It was all going well UNTIL he thought i was flirting and liked his friend. He kept asking me whether i liked him and that i should go for it if i do. It came out of no where. I replied "no i dont". Then he replied "its ok i dont care". That hurt because i thougght he liked me. Throughout the night after that he was cold to me and i kept trying to act interested in him (as i was) but he wasnt responding to it. Then he said about the earlier conversation ( the sex thing) that he was was joking "by the way" - but it didnt sound like it at the time. i really really like him and it was going so well why did it change? help pleasse .....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): what i meant was that the guy im inlove with said you do you like the other guy if so go for it, i dont care - i said i didnt
A
male
reader, Tomas  +, writes (15 February 2009):
He took a chance by telling you that he liked you, and then further telling you that he was serious, and inviting you to do something.When you told him you weren't interested (that's what I understan you said from your note, and what I think he understood as well), he felt embarrassed and rejected. He now feels that because he was interested in you but you not in him, he is "lower" than you in the relationship. Guys are particularly sensitive to their position/power in relationships (it's why they don't ask for directions and sometimes fight ... it's sort of like how girls are sensitive to being excluded by their friends).So now he is feeling small and vulnerable, and is trying to protect himself by closing off emotionally and denying his previous statements, and trying to feel bigger by acting tough.It sounds like your mistake here was to say that you didn't like him when you did, and saying it in a way that made him think he would feel foolish to keep asking.If you really are interested in him, you'll need to sort of lower yourself to where he feels he is, so that he doesn't feel threatened, and tell him what you were really feeling. For example, you might say that you do really like him, but you were caught off guard and scared because (whatever reason you said "no I wasn't"). The main thing is that if he feels hurt, embarrassed and/or rejected, he needs to see that you feel just as bad as he does, and that you aren't messing around with him, and that you do like him and want to (whatever you want).Basically he took a chance and was rejected, and probably isn't going to take that chance again unless/until you do first.(and by the way, something similar happened to me with a friend once, and I was so embarrassed I completely ignored my feelings for her for 2 years. She liked me the whole time. We're married now.)
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