A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a gay guy who has just started to accept my fate as a gay guy this year. My life has been a lot better this year, because i am more open to try getting close to people i like (although i still haven't revealed to anyone that i am a gay). I have a very nice guy friend this year and we are extremely close to each other, to the point that i am quite sure he is gay and may be interested in me(He looks for me all the time, asks me out for lunch/dinner with him and likes to tease me. He refers to me as his "brother"). The only thing that really disturbs me is the fact that this guy is still not open to himself being gay (if he is, at all). He protects his image extremely well and is quite popular among girls. Whenever he finds chances to get close/talk to a girl, he would. But when he notices i am around or that i may be upset about it, he'd try to stop flirting (not in an abrupt way since he is a good player).Lately there has been rumours that he is liking this pretty girl in his class. I believe that he has only ever admitted to me that it's a mere rumour, because among everybody else this rumour is getting worse and becoming a fact. And he is cool about it in front of other people, most likely because he wants to seem like a cool (and straight) guy. He has somewhat assured me a few times that he is not into this girl, but when i see him from afar, he'd flirt with this girl a lot, only to show his worth to his classmates.And then, 2 weeks ago was my birthday. He intentionally posted late and normal in FB, even claiming that he "forgot", a while after he wished me bday in msn. It quite disturbed me, but i chose to deal with it. He didn't get me any bday present or anything at all, but i was fine because bday present couldn't have meant anything. We had a lunch together and had fun together too.Now the problem is, tomorrow is this girl's bday. And under the pressure of his classmates, he can't seem to forget about her bday ever since last week. This has been hurting me and today everything turned for the worst. He asked me out only to accompany him get a birthday present for her. He got her a very nice pendant and we even walked around from 1 shopping place to another just to look for more stuff for her. He got her a bday card and had the nerve to ask me for ideas of what to write. I kept on teasing him to write "i love you" or etc, and he was upset about it. But why is he doing this? And why can't he understand my feeling? I know he was aware that i was hurt and upset. Should i show signs of jealousy to him? I know this may hurt our relationship but i don't know what to do...
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 i dont think he is romantically interested in you. as you are not openly gay it will be difficult for other people to know how you feel. none of his behaviours to me sound like he is interested in you as anything more than a friend. i dont know many people that refer to someone they fancy in terms of a sibling relationship.sorry to have to say this, but you need to find openly gay men if you ever want a relationship. its harsh but true, unrequited love is a waste of your energy and will make you feel like shit. you need to meet people like you
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 Oh hunny what a horrible situation to be in. I am really glad for you that you have accepted that you are gay. Good for you. But you say that this isnt a public fact. Therefore if nobody at school knows you are gay it is unlikely that this guy does either.
You say he refers to you as a brother. Yet again to me it sounds like he feels he has made a really strong connection with you and feels that you are his best friend. You are both really close and that is great. He took you shopping with him to buy another girl a present. He may have noticed that you where a bit upset but to him he may not go in to any details about other girls with you as he may feel that you may get jelous as you dont have a girlfriend.
There is nothing from your post that makes me think that this boy could be gay. It sounds like he just really cares about you as a friend. Maybe i am wrong it is just my opinion. But hey you are really close to him so maybe the best thing you can do is confind in him. Tell him you are gay. He is your best friend so he shouldnt judge you and at least then he knows the truth. Goodluck and all the best and remember never be ashamed of who you are. Just tell him the truth.
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