A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i'm really hurting right now and i can't figure out what i did wrong.i'd been with my girlfriend for a couple of months and i thought we really cared a lot about each other. we really didn't have a whole lot of time to spend together because she's finishing up her last semester in college and juggling work, but she always tried to make a point for an hour here or an hour there to see me. it wasn't always much, but i was always understanding and never once pushed or asked for more. in fact, sometimes i would encourage her to stay home and study rather than see me.i would wake her up in the mornings by calling just to make sure she was up for class, and she always said she loved hearing my voice first thing in the morning. she had told one of our mutual friends that she was falling in love with me and had let it slip a few weeks ago while she was really drunk that she was actually IN love with me. we never had any fights or anything. no real issues. as far as i knew, everything was great.i started to feel like she may be slipping on her school a bit recently. she started over-sleeping for her morning classes all the time and i started getting worried. i could tell she was falling behinid and it concerned me of course for her sake, but also because i didn't want to be the cause of her slipping or her to blame me as being the reason. that was always a fear of mine. i never asked for her to stay out late and see me; as i said, i usually told her not to do it if she didn't have the time. but she usually assured me it was no big deal, and she'd see me and then stay up all night and study after. i knew it had to be exhausing, and i definitely started to feel like she was running herself ragged trying to balance everything. i think that's why she's constantly sick.' well this week has been overbearing for her. all of her exams from every class fell on this week and she's been over-loaded. to top it all off, she started running a fever and got sick (as i previously mentioned) so she missed some of her exams and had to reschedule them. so it's been a tough week for her.well yesterday kinda bummed me out. i was hoping to spend valentine's day with her, or at least for a little while. and as it turned out, she wouldn't be able to based on all the things she had going on. she had too much to do. i had ordered this certain type of chocolate that she loves off the internet and had a card written, and i had gotten her this giant stuffed bear because in the past she had said she loved giant stuffed animals (never understood that, but whatever). and i had just gotten excited to spend this day with her. plus i was hearing all of my friends talk about their extravagent plans with their girlfriends/boyfriends, and it just made me really bummed i couldn't see her. i think that, coupled with the fact that it had been almost a week since we'd been able to spend any real quality time together, it just made me sad. and i can't lie, it did start to make me upset. i knew it wasn't her fault, but i am only human. anyway, i know she could tell something was bothering me because i was being somewhat short for a bit, but it wasn't because i was mad or being an asshole, i just wasn't sure how to express to her what i was thinking or even if i wanted to express it at all. so i was just thinking on it for a while. that's why i came across as short. i was afraid she'd take it the wrong way that i was upset and it would cause a fight. which it did...she called me and wanted to know what my problem was. i tried to be calm about it and let her know i just missed her and that sometimes it just sucks not getting to see her as often as i would like. and that i was really bummed i didn't get to see her on valentine's day. she turned around and snapped on me and made me feel like i always ask for too much of her time (which is NEVER the case), and that clearly we just can't meet eye to eye. that i want more than what she's currently capable of giving. but the truth is that's not the case at all. i don't want more than what she has to give. sure, i'd like all my time with her. but i don't expect nor desire more than what she's capable of. she said she had to go finish up a paper that was due by midnight. i asked where things stood before we got off the phone, and she said she didn't know. that she needed some time to think and that we should talk face to face when all of her studies died down because we can understand each other better that way. i said okay and just left her alone after that. i was hurt and confused but didn't want to bother her or stress her when she had only a couple of hours left to finish a paper.she texted me around 1 am and had told me she'd finished the paper and gotten back to her house and asked if i wanted to continue the talk or if i wanted to wait and meet later on. she said she had a few minutes before she had to start studying again for a makeup exam she had to take in the morning, so it was up to me. so i agreed to talk to her. well i expressed that i didn't feel like i could ever talk to her about things without it blowing up like this. that all i wanted to do was just communicate with her like adults and she just snapped. she then turned around and said she just felt like she was spread too thin and couldn't keep up with everything she had going on. that she didn't have enough time for herself. that she thought she just needed to focus on her for a while. basically, she dumped me. i said okay and i wished her the best, and we got off the phone. we haven't spoken since.i don't know what i did wrong. i didn't push her ever during the course of our relationship. i honestly don't know what just happened. we just went from a loving couple to nothing in the blink of an eye. how did this happen? and was i wrong?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): i am the poster of this question. just wanted to leave an update. my girlfriend and i work together - a little bit i had forgotten to mention. anyway, we worked together last night and didn't speak to each other all night. not one word. just kept ignoring each other like we didn't even know each other. i honestly didn't know what else to do. we worked together again today, and i noticed that she kept sniffling and going to the bathroom. people kept coming up to me telling me she was crying and asking what was wrong (they didn't know we had broken up - i'm very private). i said that i thought she was just stressed with school. well when she was clocking out today, i saw that she was in tears, and then ran out the door. her crocodile tears broke my heart so i ran after her. i found her in the parking lot just sitting in her car sobbing. i knocked on her window and she stepped out and i asked her if she was okay. she just grabbed me and latched on and just started crying even harder. asked me if i could forgive her and how sorry she was. that she was just so stressed and she'd taken it out on me. asked me if i'd take her back. i said yes. so we are back together. thanks for all the feedback. thanks for taking the time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): You didn't do anything wrong. She must have issues because you seem like a real nice guy. It's almost like she's afraid of the feelings that she has for you, and decided to push you away. Is it possible that maybe she was dating someone else? Getting home at 1:00 am sounds a bit odd for Valentines day. You will be much better off without her. She sounds rude.
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