A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:Hello, i'm sixteen and ive been with my boyfriend for just over 2 and a half months, we both want to have sex, and neither of us never have. I dont know how to know if im ready, and i dont know if its to early in the relationship, should we wait longer? I would make sure we used protectiong however im not on the pill, is that safe? or would it be best i was on the pill, i wouldnt want to tell my mum or ask to go on the pill and i also dont want to go to the doctors or anywhere else and ask for it myself or on my own. Any advice? Thankyou
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 December 2011):
 I agree with Celtic Tiger, In order to be mature enough to have sex you have to be mature enough to discuss it with at minimum a doctor.
My (step) daughter came to me when she was nearly 16 to be put on birth control pills and I was happy to comply.... but she had been with the boy for nearly a year...
IF you don't tell mum you are sexually active and get pregnant then what???
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2011): Two things: first, you can't get this moment back. When you're sure, you'll know. You'll just KNOW, so wait for that. It's completely best to be on the pill as well as using a condom - think about diseases and always, always behave as if they do have one regardless of what is said. If you don't want to speak to your mother, or you don't feel you can, you will really need to talk to a doctor or clinic about this, so don't do anythign risky until you've crossed that bridge - it's important to get comfortable with all the facts before you do anythign you can't 'take back'. Lastly, read. Read a lot about diseases, accidental pregnancy, emotional things and so on. Work out your own feelings before you act, and remember - it's your decision and your life: don't be pressured. Love and luck to you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2011): If you have to ask yourself if you're ready, then you aren't ready. I'd wait. Your circumstances sound way too unstable to go through with it right now! You've been with your boyfriend for under three months; how well do you know each other? Do you really love and trust this guy enough to share your body with him? I think it's *definitely* too early in your relationship to take such a big step. I guess you know that no form of contraception is 100% safe; what would you do if you got pregnant? Keep it, abort it? What would your boyfriend do? Be there to support your decision every step of the way... or leave?If you want to have sex, you need condoms to protect against STIs (okay, your boyfriend's a virgin too, so that's invalid in this case) and pregnancy. It's a good idea to use another form of contraception too for added protection - the pill being the most obvious example. You need to see a doctor before you go on any form of hormonal contraception, either your usual healthcare provider or those at a family planning clinic. If don't feel you can take responsibility for your contraception, then are you really ready to have sex? No.Sorry if I sound at all harsh, sweetie. I don't mean to. But taking into account everything you've said, I honestly believe if you lose your virginity at this point in time, there's a very strong chance that you'll regret it. You only get to have one first time, remember! When you're truly ready you will know - and that's not a cliche, it's true. I don't believe that now is the time for you. Whatever *you* decide though, good luck and take care x
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (17 December 2011):
 If you are not mature enough to discuss this with your Mum, then you are not mature enough to be having sex. Sex is a part of life and going on the pill is the mature thing to do. Your Mum would rather you were open and honest about this, and that she knew you were being careful, than hiding it (which is the childish thing to do). If she doesnt know, she can't help you should anything go wrong.
2 months is a very short period of time to be dating, but you are of legal age so it is your decision.
Always use a condom and yes, I do feel you should be on the pill as it covers you for accidents as well (condom breaking, or forgetting in the heat of the moment).
In order to go on the pill you HAVE to go to the Doctors. It is a presciption only medicine, not something you can get over the counter at the chemist. The pill is a strong medication, not like popping a paracetamol. They have to ask questions and give you a quick check over to make sure you are healthy and that the pill is a suitable choice of contraceptive for YOU. The pill can have many side effects so it is important to be given a check up, there are risks of heart issues, blood clots, depression, mood swings, loss of libido, sickness, nausea, all sorts. Better to be safe than sorry. This is all NORMAL practice. There are many brands of pill as well, so it may take a few months before you find one that suits YOU - what is good for one woman, turns another woman into a hormonal wreck, so if you do decide to choose this method, my advice would be to start it a couple of months before you intend to have sex. That way you will be more in control of your emotions, hormones and body.
Once you are on the pill, you will have to be very sure you are taking it at the same time every day, otherwise you run the risk of getting pregnant.
If you are in the least bit unsure, then wait to have sex. It has only been 2 1/2 months... 10 weeks. If your boyfriend really cares he will wait until you are 100% ready. Sex is a very big thing, if you are not prepared for all the consequences, could you cope with a baby? Or having to make the decision to have an abortion? Would you be upset if you got an STD?
No matter how careful accidents can happen.
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