A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a terrible dilema. I am very much in love with my girlfriend and she means the world to me and we have a very passionate and emotional relationship. She is the one I want to marry. We both very very strongly for one another.About a year ago we both became physically abusive while fighting and we would hit one another. It was terrible. Since then I have stopped that behavior as that is not who I am and I have never laid a hand on anyone in my life.About 6 months ago we got into a big argument and I got very upset. I did not hit her this time or even dare think of it, but I contacted her parents and got them involved (big mistake) and that opened up a major can of worms. After contacting her parents they soon found out that we both hit each other and now her parents want absolutely nothing to do with me and dont want her anywhere near me.We are still in love and still see each other but no longer live together. She has not told her parents that she is seeing me as she promised them she would not see me. I have tried on several occasions to email her parents (who live out of the country) and they refuse to talk to me or accept me. They want nothing to do with me whatsoever.This has caused a major strain on our relationship and my girlfriend has to see me secretly and hide everything from her family. She does not feel comfortable telling her parents that she sees me and is still in love with me.I am trying so hard to fix this situation as I love my girlfriend with all of my heart and want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her and to marry her.I am so frustrated with this situation and refuse to give up and refuse to let go... How am I supposed to get through to her parents and let them know how much I love and care about their daughter? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (2 July 2008):
 The problem is that, statistically, abuse once it starts is very very unlikely to stop. You may have the very best of intentions and a clean record for some time, but you've got a cloud hanging over yourself and over that relationship that is going to be tough to overcome.
If you and she are both very sincere about breaking the pattern of violence, and are sincerely committed to an ongoing relationship, I suggest that you seek professional help to break the cycle of violence that you have been caught up in in the past. Yes, it's not actively possessing you right now; but you two are like alcoholics ... one little drink and it's all over for you. All it takes is one of you to lose your temper and you're back into that cycle again. That's just the way it works.
Maybe her parents CAN be won over, but if so it will start with something like such professional counseling and a VERY long period of time where things go REALLY well between the two of you. You've got to be seriously committed to one another and to living in a violence-free environment for the rest of your life, or you're never going to make it.
Oh, and even if you DON'T make it with this woman, I still recommend that YOU get some help for those issues yourself, on your own. It's not unusual for a person who has been in one such abusive relationship to fall into another one later on. You need to learn to keep very tight control over yourself for the same reason: you're like that alcoholic, just one drink away from oblivion.
|
