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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. We moved in rather quickly and already know we want to get married in a year or so. The first 3 or 4 months we were having sex almost everyday. Recently it has been maybe once a week. His excuse for it is that he not satisfied with his performance because he drinks to much and needs to fix it. Then he asked why it is so important to have sex so often when we used to say we wanted it as a perk, not the basis of our relationship. (of course back then, we were having it all the time)So my question is: is it normal to go from everyday to once a week so soon? He says he still loves me and its him not me.
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female
reader, Sabotage32 +, writes (30 June 2006):
What did you guys do besides have sex everyday? Go out at all, have fun games with each other, what? It sounds like that things have gotten played out and boring. Try to do something different. Don't forget to let him know that you love and appreciate him and I hope he does tge same. Tell him that he's so hot that you can't help but want him. I know what you're thinking, "Am I not hot to him?" Men do get bored easy. Spice it up a little. If he likes to drink add a cocktail in the mix. Use your imagination. Hope it helped.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (29 June 2006):
 Well, there's no "normal", because every relationship is unique. But I do think it's very common.
Most sexual relationships go through a Honeymoon phase, where the sex is just as you describe: all the time, every which way. This can last for a few months, even a year or more. But generally speaking, particularly with couples that live together, that tapers off gradually and becomes more routine. Once a week is fairly low frequency, but if it's still satisfying for both of you, nothing to complain about.
That's why it's so important that you have lots in common and be able to have fun with each other in ways other than sex. If your relationship turns out to be based just on sex, and the sex disappears, what's left?
I once heard a researcher on human behaviour theorise that the reason we have such intense sexual relationships is that -- in humanity's preliterate aeons -- the first few months of wild abandon was to ensure a successful pregnancy. Then the sex waned naturally because the woman would be pregnant. After that, the relationships of primitive humans would last just long enough to ensure that the offspring was old enough not to get eaten by a sabre-tooth while Mummy's back was turned. Hence the "7-year itch" that affects most people. The idea was that a natural lifespan for human relationships was about seven years.
An interesting hypothesis, I thought, and it does explain why someone you've been with only a few months can be in love with you and not necessarily want to have sex all the time.
Getting back to your problem, I would be giving some thought to your boyfriend's excuse for not wanting it, though. "He drinks too much" so he's not satisfied with his performance? Well, that's easy to fix, right? He can stop drinking so much! If he can't control his tendency to overimbibe then you might be looking at a longterm relationship with a substance abuser (alcohol), or with a a heavy drinker tending to alcoholism, or at the very least, a guy who's unmotivated, snores and has ghastly morning-breath.
Talk with him about your concern. Don't make it his problem, just tell him that you miss the intimacy and fun you used to have. Ask if you can make a time for sex a few times a week, so you can both look forward to it, and make it special, rather than purely functional.
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