A
female
age
41-50,
*kerra
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years and a month. He left his wife about 3 years ago and moved back home. We got together after that and he is going through the divorce. She lives in another state. I'm confused on why he won't ask me to marry him. He says we are always going to be together so I ask why can't we get married? He says that this is the best relationshiip he has ever been in, that I make him happy and he's never stressed out now. I don't understand why he won't marry me and why does he give me such a hard time about things. If I leave something out and not in place he is upset and it's like everything has to go his way. He is a long distance truck driver. He wants me to be on the phone with him every minute of the hour every day. Until I go to bed. It's always to me something I shouldn't wear what I want to because we are just going to the grocery store or to pick up something for the house. It's almost like he only wants me to wear big loose jeans all the time. He's never romantic about anything. Since we have been together he hasn't bought me anything, can't never go where I want to go. He's always talking about bills. We can never go out and have a romantic night because some bill has came up. We don't even have bills like that at all. I'm confused on what kind of relationship we have. My feeling for him are starting to fade. What should I do. I'm not happy any more. We used to be so happy together. What is going on?
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female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (21 March 2009):
 You need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. It sounds to me as though he's scared of losing you - which is common with men (and women) who have/are going through a divorce. If you put yourself in his shoes, he once loved this woman so much that he married her - now that's over and the divorce is a final line drawn under all those years, time and effort spent on that relationship and sometimes its almost like you need time to mourne, it's as though someone had just died.He's been with you now for a long while, he loves you, he wants you all to himself - he may have some trust issues or worries that if he marries you things may fall apart like his previous marriage and every day he deals with the divorce is another day he is reminded that your relationship might fail too and he's probably in need of a little re-assurace at this time.However much he loves you and wants to "keep" you though, you should have some say in what you do and wear etc ,it is not healthy when one partner dictates to the other - a simple "ooh, your hair could do with a quick comb before we leave" is sweet but "you're not going out in that" is borderline obsessive and if allowed to continue could become worse and a major problem.You need to express how you feel to your partner in such a way that he doesnt feel like he is the bad guy - he may already feel that he's failed by messing up his previous marriage. I also think you should ease up on asking him to marry you right now too, just let him grieve for his previous mariage and be assured that your current relationship is secure and that you're not going to leave - if he wants to marry you, it'll happy if there is less pressure on him.Take things one day t a time, deal with the divorce as a couple, show him you care but tell him he doesnt need to control you. If things get unbearable you will need to seek help/councelling and perhaps, if you are still unhappy, you my have to leave - try talking before anything else, he may not realise how its making you feel.Best regardsxxx
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (21 March 2009):
 I hate to say this but this guy has PYSCHO written all over him! Why did his ex wife leave him? Was it because he was too controlling?
I think next time time he's away change the locks and your phone number and enjoy a new life.
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