A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:so my guy friend is infatuated with this girl he met about a year ago. he insists that he is in love with her and tells her that almost everyday. the thing is that she has a boyfriend. about her real boyfriend, she's "officially" in a relationship with him but doesn't see him often cause of his work schedule. also the real boyfriend doesn't know about this guy that she's seeing (cause she didn't want to tell him). however she's told this guy (the one she's seeing now) about her boyfriend and also tells him (and everyone we know) that they are NOT together. at the same time she hangs out with this (current) guy really frequently because he pays for all her stuff (drinks, food, concert tix, everything) and here's the kicker: she even _acts_ like she's his boyfriend (kissing, touching, more). but she still insists he's NOT her boyfriend?! personally me and our mutual friends all think he's being used by her and he should wake up, and we've brought it up before but he doesn't want to really talk about it. he basically knows what's going on but he's too "in love" with her and hopes she'll turn around and be with him one day. since he knows but accepts it all we've mostly just left it alone cause that's his decision (he's even convinced himself and told everyone else that he is "dating" her). but is this the right thing to do? it's pretty obvious that it's going to end badly and he will be hurt somehow, but he doesn't want any advice and pretends everything is ok. it's really weird too cause if not for this one thing she'd seem pretty cool otherwise. what should we as his friends do to help him if he doesn't want to listen? thanks for the help.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 October 2008):
 Now is the time to back off. You've told him how you feel and he doesn't want to listen. If and when this all blows up in his face be there to help him pick up the pieces but for now just stop bringing all this up.
A
female
reader, jstar92  +, writes (1 October 2008):
 Well, it's a tough one...
If he insists that he's in love with her and he's aware of the situation but still goes with this girl, then there's really not much you can do. Once someone is in love, it's almost impossible to leave the one you love just because your friends say that the other half is bad news per say. All you can do is just be there if it all goes wrong. If you voice your opinion too much to your friend then he could get the wrong idea and cut you off. You could also talk to this girl, but i would be careful about doing so, i wouldn't say anything that could make her angry or upset.
I would advice just stepping back and let him do what he wants to do, tell him once more how you feel, but don't bring it up again-and let him know that. Be there for him when he needs a friend
xox
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