A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I've been wit my boyfriend believe we are soulmates. He has 3 kids from his previous partner. His youngest is 5 months old. His ex partner got pregnant just wen they decided to end their relationship. So far me and him have been doing good. I accept his life as it was and stil is. The thing is that he is very down lately. He cries because he misses his kids so much. He was used to living in the same house as them and feels bad. He says he misses the little things such as brushing their teeth and just being there for them. He also feels bad that he barely knows the youngest child. He feels guilty that he wont know that child and bond wit that child like he does with his other 2 kids. I feel absolutely helpless. I wish there was sumting i cud say or do to take his pain away. Then i worry that he wud go bak to a loveless relationship wit his ex just to b near his kids again. My heart aches for this very messy and complicated situation. What cud i do or say to him?? I dont kno wat to do xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2015): Theres not much you can do since it isnt your job to rectify this. Is he seeing his kids regularly? If not why not? It doesnt sound like he is if he doesnt know the baby.
He needs to get a job if he hasnt one already and pay for his kids, and try to be a part of their life. It sounds like you got together fairly quickly after he broke up with the ex, however he can still be a father to the kids whether he is with that woman or not. Dont worry too much about this, it isnt (or shouldnt be) your problem and you should be enjoying your relationship and your life in general instead of worrying about his mess.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 January 2015):
 There IS nothing you can do. Other then SUPPORT him when he decides to BE the father he CAN be.
He can still BE a daddy without having to BE with the mom. And bonding with a baby? His choice to do or NOT do.
If he doesn't have visitations, he needs to find lawyer and get that sorted out.
BUT... and here is the thing, HE needs to PUT on his BIG boy pants and DO something, sitting and crying to you does NOTHING for his kids, it only score some "woe is me" points with you.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 January 2015):
 One must assume that he has tried to get "visitation rights" If he has no court ordered visitation, there's not much you can do short of adoption or giving him a child of your own. Divorce is a wicked monster It hurts the kids most of all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2015): Avoid baby-mama drama! If his ex gets wind of the fact you're getting involved; you'll make matters worse. They're his kids, and he left her with a baby only five months old!!!
Things are not going to be good for a very long-time. She's justifiably pissed-off, and keeping the kids from him; because he found a new girlfriend, while she's a single-mom left alone to care for three very young children.
His crying and all that crap means squat when he left a woman alone with three kids! Maybe if he sends plenty of money, he'll get to see his kids.
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