A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im feeling a bit down today about things with my boyfriend.We have been dating for 6 months and at the moment i cant say things seem very serious between us, there quite casual, we are exclusive but id like things to get more serious as I really like him.We also dont seem to be very good at communicating with each other. He was away at v festival this weekend and got back yesterday. He text me when he was back saying how much of a good time he had and asked how I was and my weekend etc... I text him back and got no reply. I also tried calling him but he didnt answer. Now I know today hes gone to ireland with work and is back tomorrow so I text him last night saying 'are you still going to ireland tomorrow'. Still no reply back. I may hear off him later but this communication thing just makes me think hes not bothered about me but then again he could just be that type of person?When we are together everything is fine and we have a good time but im so confused at the minute i feel like giving up
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (26 August 2010):
Hi there. It sounds a bit like you might be making him your whole life.
It can get a bit like that at times. Once the relationship begins, women can often be working really hard at trying to make their men happy, doing lots of things for them. But because of all this, they often tend to forget about their own needs and start to feel as if they are losing themselves in the relationship. A loss of identity somehow.
Try to just give him some space. Don't be calling or texting him all the time. Leave it go until he contacts you - even if it is a week or more. Just don't be tempted to do it. Because when you do contact him, he knows that you sitting there biding your time waiting for him to call. It also makes you emotionally dependent on him for your happiness. Men can sense and feel this pressure and it can cause them to withdraw altogether and cool off a bit.
We are each responsible for our own happiness, and no-one else. We need to make ourselves happy, not expect others to do it for us - simply by being there. It is up to us.
My suggestion to you, is to start to make your own life interesting and exciting from now on. Visit your friends and sometimes go out with them (not looking for someone else), just to catch up. Perhaps you could start up some new hobbies and interests that will help take your thoughts off him and onto something that fires you up.
The more interesting you make your life, the more interesting you become and more independent, as well as confident and of course, happy. These are two really attractive traits to have. It will also make you more interesting as a person, and will attract him to you even more, knowing that you don't need him so much. It will become a challenge to him when he knows you don't have as much free time, are living a full life, and are not just moping around the house thinking about him. At the moment, you are probably coming across as needy and this will repel him, definitely. It starts to put the pressure on him to make you happy. It's a bit responsibility, we all have our own problems in life without the added problem of having to make someone else happy too.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Good luck and best wishes.
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