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anonymous
writes: Hi I have been seeing my girlfriend for just over two months now and it feels like I have known her all my life. I have fallen head over heels in love and I know she loves me too. There is just one small problem. Often my girlfriend talks about her previous relationships and so do I. I think its great that we can talk like this but sometimes it seems, from the way she talks about this one previous boyfriend that she is still in love with him ! I know she loves me but it feels sometimes like she is settling for second best. What should I do? Please help!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Catwater  +, writes (28 May 2009):
Well... I am in the same boat. However she has made it clear that she wants to love him as well as me. She says she can't live without both of us in her life. However obviously that can't work. In order to let her be happy, which was all that mattered to me, I told her to be with him and I would be just a friend. This was painful of course and extremely stupid on my part. By doing this I was choosing to be second best instead of fighting to be the supreme relationship in her life. I am getting a second chance hopefully soon, and I won't make that mistake again. You should be fine with it as long as you know that she loves you and you are always going to be the most important man in her life.
A reader, Kevin, writes (3 March 2005): Just to add something to the previous answers, I agree that it is best to talk about it, but beware, if her response makes you question your feelings then she is dismissing them and that is not a good sign. People feel things for a reason, and if anyone tells you that you shouldn't feel that way or are stupid for feeling that way, then be very careful and think about where the relationship is heading.
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A reader, RIZZY RIZZ, writes (1 March 2005): I know that feeling its happened to me when my boyfriend talks about his ex-girl. The best thing you could do is talk to her about it.let her know that you dont mind hearing about her last relationship, but sometimes it makes you feel like she still have feelings for him. let her know that you feel second best sometime when she talks about him.Just be real with your feelings and she will be real with you. You will feel better once this is off your chest knowing that she wants you and not him. I hope i helped you out a alittle
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (28 February 2005):
 I think you need to tell your girlfriend that the way in which she refers to her previous boyfriend makes you feel insecure and uncertain as to how she feels for you.She needs to be able to reassure you that you aren't second best and you need to establish exactly how she feels for this ex-boyfriend.Is she still in contact with him? If she is than that would be more cause for concern but if she isn't, then perhaps she is just trying to get the experience off her chest. After all, she isn't with him anymore, she is with you. There must have been reasons why their relationship didn't work.Once you have found out what she feels, then you can work on making the best of your relationship and gradually put the past behind both of you.
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