A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi..I'm engaged to a a guy I've been with for about 3 years. Our relationship is good except we have these blow up fights sometimes where we'll scream at eachother and swear, I know it's wrong to take it to that level, but sometimes he just makes me so angry! for example, we were out of laundry soap and didn't have money for more. He suggested baking soda, and so I asked him, how is that going to make the clothes smell nice and get rid of the stains?He took the fact that I didn't agree with him as some sort of personal attack and got angry at me saying "you never agree with me, I can never voice my opinion and have you say ok.."This is totally untrue, and I tried telling him that just because I disagreed doesn't mean I don't listen.But he just walked off in a huff saying he never gets what he wants, and that I'm in control of everything. How can I overcome his "poor me" attitude?
View related questions:
engaged, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand what you all are saying, but It's not so much that I make him defensive, but I feel like I have to tiptoe around him, he has this annoying habit of only hearing what he wants to hear. At the same time he'll work out how I'm going to react to something before he even tells me. so when it finally comes out I say. "why let things fester? why don't you just come out and tell me?" he'll say he knew how I would react, so he just acts like I've already said it or done it before I even get the chance!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006):
I gotta drop the bomb- this isnt all about him and some putative "poor me" attitude.
It takes two to fight and having money problems ratchets things up.
But are you two working together on issues, or do you find yourself trying to assign blame for them? Do you think you have to 'win' these fights? Does he think you feel you need to win them?
His suggestion with baking soda at least seemed plausible. Did you just scoff at it and say "how is that going to work?!" or did you counter propose "maybe if we added a tiny squirt of dish soap".
Now is an excellent time to work on these skills. If you can make a united team through these tough times with money problems, you will be strong when things get better.
BTW, if you google this problem you will see there are a number of substitutes. Dishwaser soap is one.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): Before you both start shouting, ask yourselves is it really worth the effort. I mean getting into a lather (pardon the pun!) over washing stuff. Ok,I've been there, dead broke with only a few pence to spare and my bf wanted fags!!! He went out and sold some bricks from the garden, got the fags and even some over for food. Yes, i could of killed him, the food was more important but we just ended up laughing off the whole thing. Try to see the funny side of things. The clothes wouldn't of smelt too bad actually, they would of been clean! Come on lighten up. Life is too short. Take care xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (13 November 2006):
 hi, i think u guys have the same personality trait thats why u cant really get on until one of u backs down u wont settle ur differences thats why u end up screaming and swearing, what u need to do now is to sit him down and discuss this outburst like adults, u are engaged to be married and maybe u plan to have kids one day so how are u going to handle this fights infront of ur children? u need to start looking at them now first thing u can do is to learn to know when to stop an argument b4 saying something u will regret both of u this will help u to talk rationally and respecting each others feelings. issue of respect can be something to look at as well, learn to listen before responding, understand each other dont jump into conclusions. i will advice relationship counselling as well if all of this can not work. hope this helps
...............................
|
