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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and have lived with him for a year. We had been talking about getting married, and following each other wherever we need to go for grad school. Recently he broke up with me, saying that he still loves me, but he doesn't know if he is as much in love as he once was. He hopes, however, that eventually we will end up together. Mainly, he just doesn't want to be in any relationship right now, and that he feels he needs to be alone right now in order to realize wheteher or not I am "the one."I thought everything was fine in our relationship, and had no idea until now that his feelings had changed. He says he has felt this way for about 2 months, but I couldn't tell at all.I am still living with him, but we keep our distance with one another; however, sometimes he will still come to me and cuddle or give me a hug, and then the next day he ignores me. I want to believe this is just a phase he is going through, and pray everyday we will end up together. Is he just scared? Anyone have any ideas what is going on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice so far, but I would always be open to more. :)
One thing is, I am 99.9% sure he has not cheated on me. After speaking with a friend of his who he has talked with about the situation, I am still not entirely sure what is going on, but his friend seems to think it will be a short lived thing.... but who knows.
I am trying to move out, as I feel that woudl help; however, with my financial situation, I can not afford to live on my own, and my search for a roommate has not been very successful. The option of him moving is not there, he owns the house we live in.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2006): I've been there. He was cheating with a co-worker and was anxious for me to move out. He also showed affection from time to time. Finding out that he was cheating made sense of the blame game and arguments that came out of the blue. Your boyfriend is trying to break up with you. Don't let the affection confuse you. That's his way of dealing with his own guilt which has nothing to do with you. Move on and get out before you waste another 2 years on this guy.
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (1 April 2006):
 I agree with hickeyhickey, I think your guy is starting to think he's maybe a little young for the whole settling down thing and maybe thinks the grass is greener on the other side.
The thing is though you are still living with him.... you should start thinking about either you or him moving out, it will be impossible for you to move on with your lives whilst still under the same roof. It would be different if you felt the same way as him, but you don't.
I think if he has finished with you he is giving off mixed signals with the hugs and cuddles and perhaps this is his way of apologising to you for the hurt he is no doubt causing.
Maybe a break in the relationship is what you both need, maybe he will realise that you are the one for him eventually, not that I would give him the satisfaction of waiting around for him to make up his mind!
He was honest with you and you must give him some credit for that, it probably took him two months to pluck the courage up to tell you.
This must be very painful and confusing for you, but you will be o.k. given time.
My advice would be to move out, move on and hey if he decides he's made a huge mistake and wants you back, (That's if you still want him!!!) make sure he's not likely to change his mind again, you know the saying once bitten, twice shy!
Good luck!x
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A
male
reader, hickeyhickey +, writes (30 March 2006):
 It looks to me as if he is having cold feet about commiting himself in your way of life for the futre. I dont mean to sound harsh but this happend to me with more than one previous partner. Time always tells what really was going on and looking back now on things I recognised the signs but did'nt believe them. One partner had met somone else and in another case she left me for another woman. I am not saying these things will happen to you but from what you are saying I'd relax about things dont worry too much. Get on about your day to day life as what ever is going on you cant change what he wants to do or is thinking. Be yourself as much as you can. Time can only tell.
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