A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Sir, I’m happy to stumble upon your website. I have a fiancée whom we have dated for 6 years 3 months. I really love this girl and she claims to love me too. We arranged to get married early January 2009. All the marriage arrangements have been made. I discovered this April that she had been having an affair for the past 2 years in school. She has been sending and receiving love messages to this guy. Since the day I discovered it, I’m have been finding it difficult to forget about it even though she apologized. I’m having feelings that she is still keeping the affair or maybe having other affairs. She still keep the phone number of this guy. I’m thinking of quitting his relationship. Memories of she is unfaithful of fooling me keep hunting me. How do I approach this? I’m finding difficult to believe that she still love me. I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for your concern to help.
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female
reader, 48years  +, writes (29 November 2008):
 NO. Do not marry this girl. She is NOT going to make you first in her life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): OMG why would you ever want to spend the rest of your life with someone who has spent half off your relationship already cheating on you, get out while you can and find someone who you can be really happy with, what are you thinking about, even still thinking about marrying her, forget her and move on to someone worth while save the grief and heartbreak of the future, she should be going out her way to be totally faithfull with a wedding round the corner,my God you have no future with this cheat she will just abuse your love and trust, run run run as quick as you can.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 Lets face it, if I got the timeline right, you were together 4 years when she started seeing someone else.
That means she wasn't happy with the relationship, maybe still isn't. Or maybe she just doesn't care as much as you would expect for a couple about to get married.
But the length of time involved, the fact it start AFTER you two got together, this is more then "just" a fling. I wouldn't marry her because saying sorry just ain't enough for somethings. She didn't have a one night stand or kept a friendship going after you two got together. Four years AFTER you two became an item, she started going out with someone else for 2 full years.
Whatever she wants of you, it ain't enough and getting married won't change that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): i am sory for every things happen to you,and i want to tell you if you really sure that she was cheating on you with this guy,i mean she was talking to him like a bf while she was engaged with you ,you better sit down with your self and think if your able to accept this.
also there is saying,who cheat on you once can cheat on you twice.
so take your time before you get married.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): Delay the wedding. You can always provide 'other' reasons for family and friends. Plus it will ensure your woman gets a strong message that you are NOT going to be mucked about like this and you need more time to decide if its right. Trust takes time to build again. Do not underestimate how much harder it would be to see things clearly / objectively if you were married.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008):
I agree, although it might seem too late to postpone the wedding, with feeling like you are letting down parents and family friends, I think the last thing you should be going ahead with is the wedding. You obviously have too many doubts, you both haven't dealt with what happened and you haven't moved on from it all. It seems you need to understand why she had the affair, why she wasn't happy with just you, and most importantly - what has changed to make her not want to have another affair?
It is far better to postpone or end the relationship now, than to end up married and find yourself unhappy, or that your wife is still having an affair or is likely to have another one. You will then have to go through a divorce and it will all seem much worse, not to mention the financial cost to you.
You are right to feel the way you have been feeling, and right to be unsure of what to do. Perhaps if there are any kind of relationship counsellors in your area, you could try that, but otherwise, I personally would suggest you postpone the wedding indefinitely and see what happens with your relationship. You might learn a lot about your partners intentions by how she reacts to you saying you want to delay the wedding. All the best with whatever you decide to do, it will get easier I am sure, once you make a decision about what to do and stick to it.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 Sweetie, before you go ahead with your marriage, I strongly suggest that you seek counselling. Infidelity and lack of trust will destroy a marriage. Rather sort out these problems before marriage.
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, Miss Potter  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 Infidelity is a big issue, do not rush into marriage if her faithfullness is an issue.
It might be just txts, do you know if this "fling" is more than just txting? What do you think has made her do that? Is she bored with her relationship with you?
If you want to save the relationship you will have to go deeper and try to understand why she has done this.
Anyhow, I think it wouldnt be such a good idea to get married whilst you have serious issues to discuss.
All the best
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A
female
reader, taina1980  +, writes (25 November 2008):
wow maybe you could postpone the wedding... jan09 is rite around the corner... I don't think your going to come to grips with this in 1& 1/2 months... she betrayed your trust you have the ritw to feel the way you do...maybe you guys could go to counseling... but my mom always tells me to follow my gut instincts when dealing with people I never do which is why I'm always involved in some tyoe of drama... I say follow your gut not your heart... love clouds your better judgement...
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