A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm 37 and been married for 9 years. My wife and I went through a rough spot. During that time, she stopped having sex with me. I was hurt. Part of the outcome of marriage counselling was the agreement that we would have a schedule. Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays.It worked great for a while, but I'm finding it difficult to stay interested now. One problem is that the times are always late at night, so I'm exhausted and have difficulty performing. The other problem is that it's gotten quite stale. I've asked about it, but she's refused to consider anything else. I'm afraid that she'll cut off all sex if I pressure any stronger. I don't know how to bring this up. Can anyone help? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): well there is a missing link here. Why did the sex stop? I think that may be important. There are times when my husband or i will text or call and say...how about a date at 1030? And the anticipation builds all day...however it appears that you two are not waking up with the feeling...woohoo its wednesday! You guys are having sex but you surely arent making love. Try doing little things. Touching her cheek as you walk by. A pat on the butt. Tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.. Hold her hand in the car....not to get sex but to make her feel loved, sexy and attractive. Goodluck.~ Mal~
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): 3 times/a week - i can say that's plenty of sex for a married couple. More than majority of couples having.
You just need to convince her to be flexible, but still do it 3 times/a week
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGerta,We've tried bondage. But, it really didn't suit either of us. I've asked to change our schedule, so we go in earlier, but she wants her "down-time". It has already become perfuctory, and it's no fun anymore :(
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A
female
reader, superdolly  +, writes (2 November 2009):
you need more spice sex cant always be planned! thats just silly you and your wife should take a break. if you have kids leave them with a sitter and go to a hotel for the weekend and relax. you need to spice it up a bit!Maybe ask her what she would like fantasy-wise. be open and honest tell her it aint working this arrangement but dont anger her! or you'll get no sex whatsoever and that would be 10 million times worse :P just make her feel sexy and confident. by the end of a weekend away, youl feel alot closer i guarantee it , i hope you dont feel im being condecsending or anything. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): First of all, let me applaud you for loving your wife enough and loving the marriage enough to go to counseling. Not only going to counseling, but actually following the advice of the therapist. That says a lot about your character. There need to be more men like you.I can see your dilemma. After a set schedule all the time, yes it does get boring and routine. This is time to put your thinking cap on. What is it that makes your wife smile? What is it that makes your wife tingle all over? What did you do at the beginning that she just couldn't get enough of you? Those are the things that you have to do. Bubble baths, surprise candle light dinner and wine, flowers, etc. Do the things that used to make her face just light up. Go all out! If you want the next 20 years, then you got to put in the elbow grease.I am also going to be honest with you because maybe you are not aware of this. After a significant amount of time has passed, women have to be inspired and motivated to have sex with you. It doesn't mean that she doesn't want or desire you. She just needs a little nudge in the right direction. By that I mean don't just rub your boner against her, or just give her a little peck, or make her feel like sex is just a chore now. Do those things that made her have the hots for you. Just because your married don't mean that is supposed to stop. You did all those things to get her. You have to continue in order to keep her. Just surprise and inspire. Make her feel that she is the most beautiful woman in the world and you can't imagine life without her. Make her feel wanted and believe me that schedule of yours is gone bye bye. If any of these things work, then try talking to her and see what she says. If she see that you are making such a fuss over her, believe me it won't go unnoticed. I hope this helps, best of luck to you and your marriage.
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