A
female
age
51-59,
*evie
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years, when we argue or have a problem that needs to be addressed he will not, if I bring it up he gets angry then we are arguing again so we never iron out or differences... It's very frustrating!! How can I approach him? Or last argument was pretty serious and I'm feeling like I want to walk away from this, problem is we live together... What can I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2016): Before anything, I'd be really clear with myself about what I want. I'd go over a few possible scenarios and ask myself what I need.Equipped with a clear picture I'd WRITE to him. Why wouldn't I try talking to him first? Well, for one, you talked and talked (or tried to), has it worked? He would cut this conversation short (as he always does) and you would get a word in. Why would he trust you that you are serious this time when his experience proves otherwise?That is why it is of vital importance to you are clear about how things are, what bothers you, what you would like them to be etc. And that despite the fact you love him, you'll leave unless...If he thinks your bluffing even after a letter, well then you'll have to put your money where your mouth is. This brings me to a question, do you have a backup plan, a place to go ,your own money? If you don't have a plan B, please before doing anything, evaluate your options and make one. Otherwise you'll THINK that you're stuck and have nowhere to go and have to put up with the kind of behavior you don't like. This kind oh behavior that he uses is a controlling type of behavior. He controls you. He prevents you from speaking your mind by not wanting to speak with you. He protects himself from you opinion and thus he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't like. It's like a child throwing a tantrum. It won't stop unless somebody stops him. And if parents give in that can become a very useful tool for getting what it wants. I've seen my sister using it with our mother when we were well over 35! And I've only heard she used it with her, now ex, husband.People don't grow out of it if those around them tolerate that kind of behavior.So, I'd get first serious about myself, think about everything, define problems, propose solutions and then write a letter (or I would start writing a letter and give it to him once I went through the process).Once you become serious about yourself, trust me, he'll treat you as such and if he refuses to meet you halfway at least you'll know what you need to do.Good luck!
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 January 2016):
 Get another address and walk away..... Stay sane...
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2016): Relationships require open communication, trust, and compromise in order to survive. People who carry grudges and have no capacity for compassion, forgiveness; or compromise, deserve to be alone.
If you fight without ironing out your differences, it is most difficult to judge if only he is being unfair. He could be frustrated that things never change; or he feels he is always considered the one who's wrong. The main issue is you may both lack the ability to effectively argue a point and communicate. That requires listening.
Neither of you know how to argue without anger getting out of hand. Don't just blame him, there are two-sides to every story.
In any case, the relationship has reached it's expiration date. He's probably stubborn and set in his ways. What is the point of having a love-connection without the love?
So why waste your time?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 January 2016):
 I agree with Aunty BimBim, you need to tell him how it is. He thinks he can keep burying it because most men hate to talk about these situations. However they need to be addressed for you to move forward. So show him how serious you are about wanting this, because at the minute he thinks if he just brushes everything under the carpet it will go away.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 January 2016):
 You sit him down at the kitchen table, you say his name so that he is LOOKING at you, and you tell him. "I feel that us not being able to resolve our differences frustrating, and I am starting to feel like walking away altogether"
If he tries to interrupt, you put up your hand, and, using his name, say "please don't interrupt, I have not finished yet"
You say his name again, to ensure he is listening, and looking at you ... "George, I want our relationship to work, I love you, but I can't make it work on my own"
If he isn't interested in discussing the problem, even after a few days to a week of time to think about it, then you pack his bags and tell him to move out ... or you pack yours, whichever is best for you.
We are not put on this earth to be miserable, or to be frustrated .... if we have a situation that is not adding to our lives in a positive manner due to the non action of another person then we need to ask ourselves, is this really what I want for the rest of my life? If it is, then stay where you are, if it isn't then do what you need to do to remove either the problem from your life, or your life from the problem.
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