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male
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anonymous
writes: I went out with an amazing girl this summer at camp and now that we are apart I can't get over her. We broke up because she lives pretty far away and I will only be able to see her a handful of times during the year, but going from seeing her every day to not at all is really tough. I want to know how I can go about getting over her. We agreed that we couldnt stay together but I've never loved anyone like I love her and the time I spent with her was incredible. However, the reality is that we have two seperate lives during the year and we both have to go on with them. But I don't know how. thanks.By the way, I'm 16.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2005): Why can't you just stay in touch with her and be friends? With the internet, e-mail and messaging, give this long distance friendship a whirl. You want it-she wants it, so why not? The future is unclear to predict so why not just focus on the present. All relationships/friendships are huge risks-that's a given. But if you don't take the risk, how will you know for sure? Your distance could be considered a blessing in disguise, allowing you to come to know her in many ways that close proximity could stifle. Distance, combined with telephone calls and writing, electronically or through snail-mail, can foster an enviable friendship & intimacy which results from learning about another's qualities, values, ways of thinking, sensitivities, dreams, and aspirations. This type of intimacy can make your friendship, someday, much more special should you decide to get together. So, I'm suggesting that you not run away from a long-distance friendship with this girl, but nurture and savor it. Leave the possibility open, too, that you may continue in 'just a friendship' for a long time, and that would be okay, too.
Remember, distance is not the end of the world in a relationship and it will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust. Yes-you are only 16 and it's highly likely, she may not be the one but then again, as you age, mature-your friendship with her could take a more intimate, meaningful turn. But the worst thing that could happen here? It may not work out-you or she could find someone to date in your own hometowns. But always remember, you will still have a wonderful friendship with her. You just have to decide, if you are willing to take the risks..it takes two very committed, trusting people to make a go of a long distance relationship. Just set boundries-keep it a close friendship and allow each other the option to date others.
There is a possibility that if you feel strongly for her you may not be able to keep this at a friendship phase, and it could too tough for you, without the close proximity to her-then do yourself both a favor-tell her that and move on. You have some decisions to make and I wish you well in whatever you decide to do.
Hugs,
Irish
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reader, pops +, writes (16 September 2005):
I think this happens to almost all teenagers your age- at least those who go to summer camp of one kind or another. Make an effort to meet other people in school, and spend your time with them. In secondary school, there are almost always new kids in your classes- or kids you really have not yet gotten to know well. Make new friends, and, hopefully new romances. That is how I got over it.
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